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Native American casinos located in reservations are not permitted to have slot machines unless the tribe first reaches a pact with the state in which it is located per Indian Gaming Regulatory Act. Typically, a pact entitles the state to receive a fraction of the gross revenue from slot machines.

Some states have restrictions on the type called "class" of slot machines that can be used in a casino or other gaming area. The Indian Gaming Regulatory Act establishes three classes of games with a different regulatory scheme for each: Class I gaming is defined as 1 traditional Indian gaming, which may be part of tribal ceremonies and celebrations, and 2 social gaming How Many Pokie Machines In Australia minimal prizes.

Regulatory authority over class I gaming is vested exclusively in tribal governments and is not Pokies Jackpot Dc Bartender to IGRA's requirements. Class II gaming is defined as the game of chance commonly known as bingo whether or not electronic, computer, or other technological aids are used in connection therewith and, if played in the same location as the bingopull tabs, punch board, tip jars, instant bingo, and other games similar to bingo.

Class II gaming also includes non-banked card gamesthat is, games that are played exclusively against other players rather than against the house or a player acting as a bank.

The Act specifically excludes slot machines or electronic facsimiles of any game of chance from the definition of class II games. Tribes retain their authority to conduct, license, and regulate class II gaming, provided it complies with the Act - including the requirement that the Tribal government adopt a gaming ordinance approved by the National Indian Gaming Commission NIGC.

Tribal governments are the primary entity responsible for regulating class II gaming on its lands. Only Hawaii and Utah continue to prohibit all types of gaming.

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The definition of class III gaming is broad. It includes all forms of gaming that are neither class I nor II. Games commonly played at casinossuch as slot machinesblackjackcrapsand rouletteclearly fall in the class III category, as well as wagering games and electronic facsimiles of any game of chance. Generally, class III is often referred to as casino-style gaming.

The regulatory scheme for class III gaming is more complex than a Pokies Jackpot Dc Bartender reading of the statute might suggest. Although Congress clearly intended regulatory issues to be addressed in Tribal-State compactsit left a number of key functions in federal hands, including approval authority over compacts, management contracts, and Tribal gaming ordinances.

Congress also vested the Commission with broad authority to issue regulations in furtherance of the purposes of the Act. Many American casinos offer free memberships in "slot clubs", which return a fraction of the amount of money that is bet in the form of comps complimentary food, drinks, hotel rooms, or merchandiseor sometimes as cash or a promise to pay cash at a later date.

These clubs require that players use cards that are inserted into the slot machines, to allow the casinos to track the players' "action" how much each player bets and for how longwhich is often used to establish levels of play that may make players eligible for additional comps. These fall under the jurisdiction of the province or territory without reference to the federal government. Thus no two provincial regulatory or operational regimes are the same.

The 10 provinces all have gaming departments and slot machine play is available in venues across all. Part of the revenues Pokies Jackpot Dc Bartender to the local government which in turn gives a percentage to the federal government. Choice of slots available is a province by province negotiation with the local Gaming Department.

Individual territories have such small populations that there are no dedicated departments or land based facilities to play. The history of First Nation's gaming in Canada is short but contentious. Only 12 First Nation casinos exist scattered over five provinces.

The Assembly of First Nations view jurisdiction over gaming on First Nation land as part of their constitutional rights protected by section 35 1 of the Constitution Act, However the Supreme Court of Canada has rejected First Nation's claims to a right to conduct gaming activities. Nevertheless, the First Nation casino's largest revenue driver is from slot machine play and the regulation of these is by agreement with an Indigenous Gaming Regulator, a delegated sub-group of each province Gaming Authority.

All provinces have dedicated problem gambling help lines and research, and the territories have health and social service support for individuals with gambling problems. Legal Pokies Blog Tumblr Australia "Poker Machines" or "pokies" [38] are officially termed "gaming machines". Australian-style gaming machines frequently use video displays to simulate physical reels, usually five.

These machines have additional bonusing and second-screen features such as free games and bonus levels. They also allow for multiple lines up to or multiple ways up to 3, to be played. Late inthere werepoker machines operating in Australia, which was 2. On multiway games, players play the entire position of each reel instead of fixed lines or patterns. For instance, if a player plays 1 reel on a way game, they receive three symbols in the first reel which pay anywhere in the three positions, while all other reels pay in the centre only, with unused areas darkened.

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On the other end of Pokies Jackpot Dc Bartender scale, if the player plays 5 reels, symbols can appear anywhere in the window and will pay as long as there is one in each reel. Most games however still require the symbols appearing left to right, sometimes this even includes scatters.

Other multiway games give you even more ways by using a 4x5 or 5x5 pattern, where there are up to 5 symbols in each reel, allowing for up to 1, and 3, ways to win respectively. These games typically cost more than their way Reel Power counterparts. Recently, IGT has also started to manufacture multiway games. Gaming machine manufacturer Konami Australia also made an alternative way of gaming by using patterns, where symbols pay adjacent to one another.

Most of these games have a hexagonal reel formation, and much like multiway games, any patterns not played are darkened out of use. On both systems, scatter symbols still pay in the darkened areas just like standard machines where scatters don't have to appear on a payline.

The laws regulating the use of gaming machines in Australia are a matter for State governments, and as such they vary between States.

Gaming machines are found in casinos approximately one in each major city as well Pokies Jackpot Dc Bartender pubs and clubs in some states usually sports, social, or RSL clubs. The first Australian state to legalize this style of gambling was New South Wales in when they were made legal in all registered clubs in the state. There are suggestions that the proliferation of poker machines has led to increased levels of problem gambling ; however, the precise nature of this link is still open to research.

The primary reason for this is that gaming machines have been legal in the state of New South Wales since and over that time the number of machines has grown to 97, at Decemberincluding the Australian Capital Territory.

By way of comparison, the US State of Nevada which legalised gaming including slots several decades before NSW, hadslots operating.

This new law also banned machines which would automatically play with the button held. All gaming machines in Victoria have an information screen accessible to the user by pressing the 'i key' button, showing the game rules, paytable, return to player percentage, and the top and bottom five combinations, with the odds shown.

These combinations are stated to be played on a minimum bet usually 1 credit per line, with 1 line or reel playedexcluding feature wins. Western Australia only permits the use of particular forms of gaming machine in Burswood casinoand no gaming machines may be used elsewhere. This policy the most restrictive in Australia had a long historical basis, and was reaffirmed by the Royal Commission into Gambling:. It requires no Pokies Jackpot Dc Bartender, no skill or social contact.

The odds are never about winning. Watching people playing the machines over long periods of time, the impressionistic evidence at least is that they are addictive to many people. Historically poker machines have been banned from Western Australia and we consider that, in the public interest, they should stay banned. Independent candidate Andrew Wilkiean anti-pokies campaigner, was elected to the Australian House of Representatives seat of Denison at the federal election.

Wilkie was one of four crossbenchers who supported the Gillard Labor government following the hung parliament result.

Wilkie immediately began forging ties with Xenophon as soon as it was apparent that he was elected. In Russia, slot clubs appeared quite late, only in Before slot machines were only in the casino and in small shops, but later slot clubs began to grow over the country. The most popular and numerous clubs were "Vulcan " and "Taj Mahal". Afterwhen a ban on gambling establishments, almost all slot clubs disappeared, and appeared only in a specially authorized gambling zones.

The provision of slot machines is covered by the Gambling Act This superseded the Gaming Act Slot machines in the UK are categorised by definitions produced by the Gambling Commission as part of the legislation brought in with the Gambling Act of Casinos built under the provisions of the Act are allowed to house up to twenty machines categories B to D or any number of C or D machines instead.

As defined by the Act, large casinos will have a maximum of one hundred and fifty machines of any combination of machines in categories B to D, within the total limit of one hundred and fifty subject to machine to table ratio of 5: Category A games were defined in preparation for the planned " Super Casinos.

As a result, there are no lawful Category A games in the UK. Category B games are divided into subcategories. However, the differences between B1, Pokies Online Drawing Websites and B4 games are mainly the stake and prizes as defined in the above table.

FOBTs are mainly found in licensed betting shopsor bookmakers, usually in the form of electronic roulette. The games are based on a random number generator and thus the probability of getting the jackpot in each game is independent of any other game, and these probabilities are all equal. If a pseudorandom number generator is used instead of one that is truly random, the probabilities are not truly independent, since each pseudorandom number is determined at least in part by the one generated before it.

Fruit machines are commonly found in pubsclubsand arcades. Machines commonly have three reels, but can be found with four or five reels with around sixteen to twenty-four symbols printed around them.

The reels are spun each play, and if certain combinations of symbols appear then winnings are paid by the machine, Pokies Meaning Unprecedented Thesaurus a subgame is played. These games often have many extra features, trails and subgames with opportunities to win money; usually more than can be won from just the payouts on the reel combinations.

Fruit machines in the UK almost universally have the following features, generally selected at random using a pseudorandom number generator:. It is known for machines to pay out multiple jackpots, one after the other this is known as a streak or rave but each jackpot requires a new game to be played so as not to violate the law about the maximum payout on a single play.

Typically this involves the player only pressing the Start button for Pokies Jackpot Dc Bartender a single credit is taken, regardless of whether this causes the reels to spin or not. Slot machines are a fairly new phenomenon and they can be found in mostly in pachinko parlors and the adult sections of amusement arcadesknown as game centers.

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The machines are regulated with integrated circuitsand have six different levels changing the odds of a Indeed, Japanese slot machines are "beatable. For example, there must be three reels. All reels must be accompanied by buttons which allow players to manually stop them, reels may not spin faster than 80 RPM, and reels must stop within 0.

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In practice, this means that machines cannot let reels slip more than 4 symbols. Other rules include a 15 coin payout cap, a 50 credit cap on machines, a 3 coin maximum bet, and other such regulations. While the machine is in bonus mode, the player is entertained with special winning scenes on the LCD display, and energizing music is heard, payout after payout.

On many machines, when enough money to afford a bonus is taken in, the bonus is not immediately awarded. Typically the game merely stops making the reels slip off the bonus symbols for a few games.

If the player fails to hit the bonus during these "standby games", it is added to the "Stock" for later collection. Many current games, after finishing a bonus round, set the probability to release additional stock gained from earlier players failing to get a bonus last time the machine stopped making the reels slip for a bit very high for the first few games.

As a result, a lucky player may get to play several bonus rounds in a row a "Renchan"making payouts of 5, or even 10, coins possible. The lure of "Stock" waiting in the machine, and the possibility of "Renchan" tease the gambler to keep feeding the machine. This is called being a " hyena ". They are easy to recognize, roaming the aisles for a "Kamo" " sucker " in English to leave his machine. Many people may be gambling more than they can affordand the big payouts also lure unsavory "hyena" types into the gambling halls.

To address these social issues, a new regulation Version 5. Moreover, all Pachisuro machines must be re-evaluated for regulation compliance every three years. Only time will tell how these changes will affect the Japanese Pachisuro industry. Mike Dixon, PhD, professor of psychology, University of Waterloo, Ontario, Canada [47] studies the relationship between slot players and slot machines.

Slot players were observed experiencing heightened arousal from the sensory stimulus coming from the machines. They "sought to show that these "losses disguised as wins" LDWs would be as arousing as wins, and more arousing than regular losses".

Skill stop buttons predated the Bally electromechanical slot machines of the s and 70s. They appeared on mechanical slot machines manufactured by Mills Novelty Co. These machines had modified reel-stop arms, which allowed them to be released from the timing bar, earlier than in a normal play, simply by pressing the Netent Pokies In Swimsuit on the front of the machine, located between each reel.

These enabled the player to stop each reel, allowing a degree of "skill" so as to satisfy the New Jersey gaming laws of the day which required that players were able to control the game in some way. The original conversion was applied to approximately 50 late model Bally slot machines. Because the typical machine stopped the reels automatically in less than 10 seconds, weights were added to the mechanical timers to prolong the automatic stopping of the reels.

By the time the New Jersey Alcoholic Beverages Commission ABC had approved the conversion for use in New Jersey arcades the word was out and every other distributor began adding skill stops. The machines were a huge hit on the Jersey Shore and the remaining unconverted Bally machines were destroyed as they had become instantly obsolete.

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia. For the Pokies Jackpot Dc Bartender, see One-Armed Bandit album. For the band, see Slot Machine band. For other uses, see Fruit machine disambiguation. Retrieved 17 October The Atlantic Monthly Group.

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Seminumerical Algorithms 1st ed. Pokies Jackpot Dc Bartender 10 December New Jersey Division of Gaming Enforcement. Retrieved 7 February Ryan, who is 28 years old, stated that the moment he saw LeoVegas competition, his mother popped into his mind and he nominated her. He went on to praise his mother, calling her the most caring person, who always thinks of her family first. But a super-mum is a super-mum! Shenaly Amin, a spokesperson for LeoVegas, stated that everyone knows that one person who is constantly giving without expecting anything in return.

Hence, LeoVegas hosted Give the Gift Pokies Jackpot Dc Bartender to recognize these unsung heroes and reward them for their efforts and thank them for the work they do. Amin went on to state that Anna Owen is a deserving winner of the competition because she is responsible for keeping her family together; and Anna is an extremely loving person that people will ever meet.

It has modified classic and popular game of Baccarat Pokies Jackpot Dc Bartender launched Prestige Baccarat. This live casino title includes five gameplay angles along with action replays of the winning hands.

The launch takes place a year after the company unveiled its inaugural Prestige title, the famous Prestige Roulette. This turned out to be a runaway success. The Prestige Baccarat has a newly designed ambiance with custom designed backdrop and cloth.

This game exhibits the re-engineered UI of Playtech Live. The company has made use of customer feedback and discovery sessions and support for native languages is there. They think this can be called the top live Baccarat available in the market. The new live game comes with classic squeeze variants, and squeeze logic, which is found in popular casino games all over the world. Kilminster added the company has gotten positive feedback so far and the game is deemed to be a winner.

Playtech Live is all set to unveil a new range of live casino slots with technology and software that will boost gameplay experience greatly. Playtech, known as the top global Omni-channel gaming software, has come up with an enticing casino promotion just before the Christmas season. At the start of this year, Playtech had announced its alliance with the Warner Bros.

Consumer Products to Pokies Games Robot Gundam DC branded content. The upcoming promotion will showcase few Super Pokies Big Win In Vegas online pokie games. The players will get an opportunity to get amazing cash prizes.

The huge giveaway comes after the success of network promotion of Age of the Gods by Playtech occurring in June A player can avail unlimited entries and stands a chance to win literally unlimited prizes. These slots have a classic footage and eye-popping artwork. In both these slots Pokies Jackpot Dc Bartender well as other DC branded titles, players can trigger 1 out of 4 progressive Super Heroes Jackpots for any spin.

The COO of Playtech, Shimon Akad said the growing popularity of Age of the Gods series promotion has emboldened the company to come up with this huge Christmas promotion. The DC brand slots will entice a lot of players. The introduction of DC Super Heroes and the charismatic Super-Villains by Playtech Casino is a key factor and the prospects of winning huge amounts of cash prize are hard to overlook.

PlayTech is betting big on this offer and thinks it will be beneficial for them as well as the players. It is not just everyday-Joes who love online gambling. With so many celebrity gamblers, it should not be a surprise that there are quite a few celebrities who love gambling online.

The Royal Vegas Online Casino and other online casinos certainly do offer a wealth of fantastic gaming opportunities for celebs as well as other people, regardless of where they are located, and that is certainly a major help with those who constantly travel. Celebrities who are shooting a new movie or going on tour or doing something like that are not going to be able to go to Las Vegas when they want some gambling fun.

The good news is that they will always have online games available no matter where they are. Famous celeb gamblers will make use of all the gambling opportunities available to them. It should not surprise you to learn that Ray Romano actually loves golf and gambling in real life. He even competed in the World Series of Poker.

Like many other celeb gamblers, he enjoys poker specifically. One of the most successful show runners and sitcom stars of all time, Ray Romano certainly has the money to spend on all types of gambling. Another sitcom star who is known for his love of gambling is Charlie Sheen.

This is just one of a large collection of vices and habits for the star. While he enjoys poker, he is a huge fan of sports betting, one of the most popular online gaming activities today.

As you may know, Charlie Sheen is making an attempt to cut back on a lot of his old habits these days, but it remains to be seen whether or not he will give up gambling.

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I thought maybe they got in a fight with someone or something, so I asked her what happened. That's right, not one guy and a girlfriend, the two guys. I guess she had been standing beside the door when a customer opened the door and everyone got an eyeful. We had single occupancy bathrooms, with a damn lock!

The girlfriends had been sitting at the table the whole time, unaware as far as I know. When we went to ask them to leave they were already gone.

When the other waitress told me we both had a good chuckle and were glad they were already gone so we didn't have to do anything about it. I had to break them up by spraying water on them from the drink gun while telling them that they were all beautiful in their own way but if they didn't sit the fuck down I was gonna kick the shit out of them.

I also work at an Irish Pub in the Netherlands and we have slot machines. Our regulars spend a lot of money on them. When I first started working there almost a year ago there was a female regular so caught up in the machine that she didn't want to stop and take a bathroom break. Keep in mind that it was a quiet afternoon and the only ones there were her and some other regulars, so she would not have to be afraid of losing her spot.

So she proceeded to urinate on the stool she was sitting on. So we kicked her and the stool out, got a new stool and I personally never saw her in the pub again. Funny how people don't realize that the first pull has the same chance of winning as the th. OK, the house can control the payout, but there machines with certain percentage "guaranteed payouts".

This is a sad and horrible story. Bartending one night I had a group of younger kids near 21 come in. I recognized the girl from a mutual friend we shared. Her man introduced himself as "Satan" and proceeded to be an ass the entire night. Finally I had to put him out. He was being verbally abusive to his girl and others. He refused to pay I confronted and was He actually lowered his head and handed me his entire wallet. I refused to touch his wallet got his girl to pull the money out.

Apparantly super upset from me "putting him in his place" he was snapping on his girlfriend to the point where she came back inside and asked me and others to keep him away from her.

Because she knew me she asked if she could leave with me. I told her it wasn't a good idea for many reasons. But I let her stay until she got a ride to pick her up I didn't find out until the next day when my boss called me asking me to come in The police wanted to speak to me.

He effin killed that girl. He stabbed her through the torso with a decorative katana. And my understanding is he claimed in wrestling the katana from her, yada yada, basically plead to some petty manslaughter get out in 2 years type of bullshit.

I told the police everything I could to get him put away. His aggressive demeanor, verbal abuse to her, threatening me. I'll always wonder if maybe me standing up to him triggered some crazy response in him. It was a waste. And that's the story about when I met Satan. I wish I knew it all so I could put him on blast. Not your fault man. For all you know your intervention could have stopped him from hurting even more people.

Don't blame yourself, a million things could have happened. I was working the night of the Grey Cup game Canada's Superbowl , it was a super busy night the Riders were playing so the place was PACKED and I shit you not during half time this huge bastard walks in wearing giant sunglasses, a trench coat and a hard hat, drunk as fuck. I watch him take a step towards the bar and he stops dead and just stands there for a few seconds.

All of a sudden he opens his coat and pulls out this giant fucking salami, takes a bite, yells "fuck ya! Was bartending at a family owned Tex-Mex place in New Hampshire. A coworker and I were chatting about something on the news and I said "Yeah, at least it's not Russia! She then started regaling the entire bar with stories of the Soviet glory days, babbling on in a crazy Bond villain accent about how great everything used to be.

We then noticed that she'd peed all over the stool. I worked in a very high volume cocktail bar, one night around xmas there was a DJ playing pumping big band swing. This was in the UK so everyone was fucking annihilated.

There was this really hammered dwarf who would repeatedly stagger over to the bar, get a bartender to lean all the way over to hear him and then whisper, "I'm sorry I'm a little drunk" before exploding with laughter and then staggering back to the dance floor. I can think of crazier stories but this one stands out as one of the funniest scenes. I am not a bartender but security but this just happened the other night So we are closing up the joint and this crazy lady who has been talking to herself and cursing for the last half hour decides to go into the bathroom.

She is in there for maybe 8 minutes and we are trying to get everyone out so we make her come out. She finally leaves the bathroom and this dude gives her a little bit of shit about hogging the one bathroom the ladies room was out of service so we were down to 1 She proceeds to start screaming every curse word I can think of at this guy, and while she is yelling at him she just starts pissing her pants.

Well she finishes pissing and we push her out the door, and then she comes around knocking on the windows and flipping people off.

She looks at me, blows me a kiss and I bow in return, and then she goes back to flipping everyone else off. A girl who was with the guy goes "What is she saying?

If she pissed her pants right after she left the bathroom, what the crap was she doing while she was inside? I used to work at a horse racing track, the place was over a hundred years old and had all sorts or weird corridors and cheap walls. All of a sudden I hear BAM!!!! And yes, he was apprehended by security and arrested.

Bartending at an Indian restaurant just outside of DC. Big bar, not many people ever come to the actual bar, simply go straight to dinner. But one woman sits at the bar and looks at our appetizer menu. She asks if there's anything that isn't spicy because apparently she had just come from surgery where a portion of her tongue was removed. I pointed out the most bland thing, and put in an order while she ordered a vodka tonic.

When the order comes out, she eats a few bites and proceeds to sweat profusely. She runs to the bathroom repeatedly and is freaking out all the while asking for multiple vodka tonics. After our owner came out and apologized, he offered to take chicken and have it cooked in bland yogurt. He gave her the drinks for free and the specially made chicken as well.

She then freaked out a little further when he left, saying she would take it and feed it to her dog and asked for one more vodka tonic before she left.

Either she was seriously crazy, or deviously smart. Who comes to an Indian restaurant after having a portion of your tongue removed and sensitivity to spices? I've been raised in the hospitality industry in Australia, my family have owned and run hotels and bars since well before I was born. Needless to say I have seen some pretty incredible shit in my time, but by far the best was watching my mother all 5'7" of her come out from behind the bar to grab two brawling bikies by their beards, twist the hair in her fists till their eyes watered and they stopped punching on, and then demand that they each took a bar stool and sit in opposite corners of the bar or she would, and I quote directly, "give them a fucking hiding that their mothers would be proud to witness.

At this point I'm figuring that I'll be burying my mother the next day unless I do something, so I grab hold of the baseball bat we keep under the bar and go to launch myself over the counter when, to the surprise of everyone in the pub, these hard ass bikies do exactly as they're told and don't move until my mother tells them to get up, shake hands and buy each other a beer I used to be a cart girl when I was in university so I had to put up with some huge creeps who thought I liked being hit-on by old men.

The worst was during a tournament that was put on for police officers not sure what division it was , one jack-ass totally crossed the line. I usually drive by and ask the golfers if I could get them anything and one cop said "yea, a blow-job". I was so furious that I snapped "well I'm sure one of your buddies wouldn't mind doing that for you" and drove off. I told the other cart girls to avoid them for the rest of the day, don't piss off the people who are getting you drinks.

My philosophy''s always been "don't fuck with the guy making your drinks, making your food, or fixing your car. And I worked at a hotel with a golf course, and I was in the banquet department. MY manager went to one of the girls who worked in our department and asked her if she wanted to sell beer on the course the next day. She couldn't but I volunteered, it was an easy way to make money. He looked at me like I was retarded and just said no. I'm a 6'1" guy. I figured it out once I saw her with the wad of cash.

I've been at my bar for about 5 years now. It's a little dive bar in Sacramento, CA. We sling some great drinks and have a blast. About a year after I had started working there I was about 22 three good looking girls come in to the bar and sit down. All three of them were probably at least a solid 7. After about rounds, they start talking about anal with their significant others.

It was almost a stereotypical conversation. One girl tried it and hated it, one girl was still uneasy about it. LOVED it so much that she told a story about how her and her dude were in Macy's after some afternoon delight. I was pouring a draft beer at the time, trying my hardest not to make it blatantly obvious that I was listening to every word they were saying. The story went on about how they were downstairs of Macy's when the girl had to let out a little fart.

So much that she had to rush to the bathroom. To this day, the story has burnt a hole in my soul. I now manage a bar right outside DC where I've bartended for at least 5 years. Some of these didn't happen to me personally, but to a coworker:. Naked man comes in, asks for drink. The bartender calls the police. Police come, cuff him, wrap him in newspaper because he had shat himself, and carry him away. Our 18 year old, fresh-faced busser still has braces gets a bj in the bathroom at our closed holiday party by a something semi-regular who somehow managed to get in.

Three times in the next week she comes in saying "Seth owes me money. I ban her then next time I see her. Semi-regular drops a bag with a good amount of weed in it. Once we close, a server finds it and puts it in the safe for me. Guy comes back the next day wondering if "um, anyone found, you know Guy tries to get server's attention by poking her with a fingernail file.

Bartender boots him with extreme prejudice. Guy comes back later that week and the same bartender was working. Bartender asks him what the fuck he thinks he's doing there and guy rears back and pokes the bartender in the eye as hard as he can.

Not a he-tried-to-hit-him-but-accidentally-poked-him poke, but a I'm-gonna-poke-you-in-the-eye-like-I've-done-thistimes-before poke. Apparently eye-poking is all in the elbow. Cops cart him off and server and bartender eventually testify against him in court. They finally settle on long island ice teas. She gladly pays, downs the sink water, and leaves. Bartender shatters a pint glass and manages to get multiple cuts on both hands.

There's no back up and it's too many cuts for bandaids. He puts latex gloves on, duct-tapes them around his wrists, and bartends with the gloves slowly filling with blood for a couple of hours. Number six there, Glove Guy? That is a guy I want working for me.

That's some motherfucking dedication. She came in every night for two weeks straight to figure out my schedule. She was in her early forties, dirty blonde, shoulder length hair and hid her sunken eyes behind large, plastic rimmed glasses. She made it very well known that she was sexually attracted to me. For example, after many shots of Goldshlager and Berringer white zinfandel, she would often offer to give me blowjobs The other regulars soon and easily caught on and it became a sad joke.

Each time I would politely decline, crack a witty joke and move on with my business. This went on for close to six months. Every time I worked Seductively licking her cracked lips and shouting innuendo. I began to get quite perturbed. So, I start giving it back to her. Telling her I wanted it but was afraid I would get in trouble.

The regulars started in on her too. When I would go grab stock, or food for a patron, the regulars would tell her I was really in to her but was nervous of the age difference. I was 23 at the time. As did my last night. My stalker obviously knew. On my last night, she came in dressed up in her sexiest outfit. She quickly got hammered and the floodgate of come-ons rolled off her tongue with halitosis quickly following.

She began loudly begging, "Please just let me suck your cock! I told her within earshot of my regulars that I was going to go out back for a smoke break and we could do it there. Only there was an embarrassing issue holding me back. I said, "This is really embarrassing, but the only way I am able to get hard is if I shit Obviously, the rest of the bar simultaneously gasped and sat waiting on my reply. She hadn't finished her sentence before I had pulled out a container of plastic wrap and said, "I had Mexican for lunch so it's a good thing this is industrial.

The roar of cheers and laughter wrang through the bar as I continued by telling her, "Get ready and I'll meet ya out back in 5. After about 20 minutes, she game back inside with a wad of industrial plastic wrap in her hand and a face full of utter disappointment and belted out, "I thought you were gonna come out back and shit on my chest!?!

By this time, most of the rest of the staff had come to bare witness to this, the unbelievable yet hilarious meltdown. I went up to her and planted a big smacking kiss on her lips and thanked her for the best, last night I could ever asked for.

I bought the bar a round of Goldshlager in dedication to my most dedicated regular. I still visit that bar every time I'm in town and sometimes run into her. Each time I buy her I do have one good one though. I was working, and we do get a lot of good looking ladies in the bar during summertime. It's warm out and it's by the beach so many are scantily clad, and are often sharking. One time that stands out to me you'll see why is when this extremely hot girl kept hitting on me while I was working.

I was absolutely considering trying to tap that when I got off my shift if she was still around. Anyway, she ends up getting pretty trashed She steps up the game.

She starts getting kinda freaky, all the while I'm pretty busy serving. Eventually she's had enough of me not focusing all of my attention on her, and she steps behind the bar. So, admittedly, I'm stoked, thinking that I'm gonna see some boobs or something. Instead she lifts the front of her skirt, to show me the other goods.

This is definitely a first. I'd been flashed a bunch at work, but never this, and I'm a bit worried that she's doing something that'll get her kicked out. I tell her to stop!

She doesn't listen, and I have no idea whether this was intentional or not. My initial reaction was to stand there blankly contemplating what just happened. Then I burst out laughing so hard, and a few others around the bar did too lots of people wanted a look as well. This infuriated her for one of two possible reasons.

Or 2 She didn't realize that she queefed and she thought I was laughing hysterically at her vajayjay. Her response was to flip me and the rest of the bar off, and walk outside, light a cig, and puke on the curb. Hahahaha I misinterpreted 'sharking' as Shark Week, like you had a high population of female patrons on the rag. I was reading in utter horror until I realized what you actually meant! I don't know a man on earth that deserves to know that his wife once offered up her chest for a pile of another man's feces.

I used to bounce at a western bar when I was about 25, in grad school. I guess I was a bit of a shitty bouncer, because I was nice to people, and smiled at them until things went south. But with a drunk, older woman, an innocent smile is all it takes. I imagine most young, reasonably attractive women have to deal with this sort of thing all the time, from older men. Being propositioned is great, but some of these drunken western women would practically attack me, or ambush me in a hallway.

Then inevitably comes the "woman scorned" thing, when I'd reject them. They would get pissed off, then yell and curse, and punch. It's the same thing to reject a drunk woman's advance as to call a drunk man a fucking asshole. Once a woman who reminded me of my mom smacked me bang in the nose. To this day I avoid western bars. I had a brief stint as a bouncer at the little bear up in Evergreen, CO. One night the band is getting the crowd all worked up, and some ladies get up to dance with the band.

I suppose they're feeling confident and start a strip tease chicken tournament. Well, all but one leave the stage after baring their breasts, but one gets completely nude, and is dancing for about 10 minutes.

Of course this is against health code, and that's trouble, but that crowd was ornery, and I wasn't about to get in the middle of that mess and stop the fun. Had a nice view on the balcony too. Of course afterwards the other guys were telling all sorts of outrageous stories. We got yelled at the next day, but not one fuck was given.

Umm there are two that stick out to me Once a guy tipped me with a coupon for McDicks and that was awesome.

But a major thing that I've had to deal with it people stealing shit from the club I work at when they think I'm not looking. One of my co-workers had previously beat up a patron for attempting to steal a tip jar. He was just like "I honestly didn't even think about it, I just went for him What do I see? Some asshole trying to take one! My co-worker was totally right about acting before thinking because before the guy even knew it, I had squirrel monkey'd over the bar and grabbed this guy. I had my tip jar and was just going at him until the bouncers came and took over.

My boss kept a tip bag out of sight behind the counter to put in the money from the actual tip jars into. Not me but a guy I know worked as a bartender at some hick place. One night a bunch of obviously underaged drunk girls walk into the bar. However, this is Louisiana so they are allowed alcohol no problem. This one girl starts hitting on this guy the whole night talking about how if she didn't have a boyfriend she would totally bang him. You know, the usual drunk girl speel. Anywho, this girl proceeds to get completely inebriated and starts making moves on this guy.

At this point the boyfriend has showed up some meathead looking douche and starts getting pissed at her. They get in a huge fight and the dude storms out of the bar.

She turns to the bartender and says "Well, since I am about to break up with him, whaddya say we hook up? So, in her full stealth mode, she slips behind the bar and gives him head while he is serving drinks. They have been dating for two years now and have a kid together.

All I can think about is what they are going to tell the kid when he asks how they met. The regulars that would come in were generally pretty nice, and even with a large amount of Hells Angels bikers coming in, and the occasional fight, it was actually pretty tame. One Saturday night there was an absolute prick sitting at the bar. He was in his late 50's, and all night he was hitting on the young under 18 food runners, and bar backs, and just being a general nuisance.

The situation only got worse later on that night when he was properly wasted off his fucking ass. I only noticed that he was shit faced when he got off Usually in these situations the best thing to do is just stop serving him and let him find his way home. Regardless, I didn't really care all too much because I just got to go home early. I walked outside the front door, where there was an outdoor patio area, and the parking lot for the bar.

I lit up a cigarette and was checking out a Sweet yellow Testarossa parked right at the entrance, when out of fucking nowhere, the drunk bastard from the bar, keys in hand, trips, falls and smacks his face on the drivers side door of the Ferrari. Broken nose, blood everywhere, and dirt and rocks all over his face. It turned out it was actually his Ferrari, and the owners of the bar knew him by name.

So here's where it gets even funnier. The owners, bouncer, and some people who just saw the incident are helping him, I see my manager calling his wife to come pick him up. Five minutes later and he's in his wife's minivan going home to the kids. Drunk idiot faceplants into his ferrari, and gets his wife to come pick him up.

The guy's a clod, but I remember seeing some interview wherein a Ferrari higher-up said that yellow was the original "official" Ferrari color. I work in fine dining. You know, the guy with the vest and the garter? Meanwhile, two scumbag Steve's I mean as ghetto looking as white boys an look walk into my bar and ask what cognacs we have.

Dude says, "yeah, man, ain't shit. Remember the guy sitting alone? H is making fun of them the whole time. Then the rich guy that was sitting alone decides to pay. His credit card is denied. Dude runs out the bar as soon as my back is turned. I forgot to include the fact that I had to pay the house 3. Kind of like a hairstylist. The people I worked for at the time gave not one fuck and the lack of tip is always deemed lack of service.

I am a straight male bartender and the other guy working with me behind the bar was a flamboyantly gay friend of mine. We worked at a Bar down by the waterfront of Toronto and every summer there's a festival called Caribana that goes on down there. The whole Caribbean community from the city and a lot of visitors from the states come up to celebrate and I don't have to tell you that not everyone in the Caribbean community is very friendly to gay people.

Anyways at some point in the evening my buddy is serving this giant guy who clearly has a problem with him. He takes a sip of his drink and flips out about how the "faggot" doesn't know how to pour a rum and coke and he's chincin him on the rum and starts tossing out a bunch of slurs.

To put it in perspective this man who is now flipping right the fuck out is bigger than most of our security and if it comes down to it there will be a huge fight with him and his friends to break up the situation.

So as things start to get heated I step in and tell the man I'll take care of him. So I grab a training bottle from the back of our bar A 26 of rum that is actually filled with water to practice free pours and stuff if you need too and start long pouring him "rum" and cokes. I be sure to squeeze in at least two limes to try and mask the taste of a watered down coke and hand it over. I joked around with him a little bit and he came back about six times.

He even started to act a little drunk and would tip me. But here's the best part. At the end of the night when my friend and I talked about it, he thanked me for trying to calm this guy down but said we probably should've went the security route instead. I handed him 36 bucks. We hugged and remain bros. Told him it was rum and coke. Made 36 bucks by pocketing all the money every time he came back. It was Black Friday in Britain. As a foreign student in the country, I initially had no idea what that meant.

The other bartenders warned me that it was going to be a rough shift because Black Friday in Britain is the Friday before Christmas when most offices have their annual Christmas parties and a lot of people who didn't normally drink much would be drinking that day. Sure enough, it was the busiest night I'd ever worked there and it was also the only night that I witnessed a brawl in this normally calm old English pub. We even had to call the cops to break up the fight.

Finally, the long and tiring shift came to a close and as the over-crowded bar started emptying out, the other bartenders and I suddenly noticed that there was a drunk woman sitting at a table by herself, completely passed out. This was normally a quiet bar where we could keep an eye on all patrons and ensure that no one was that drunk.

However, it was such a busy night with so many people ordering drinks that someone was possibly taking drinks to her and we just did not notice her there till very few people were left. We tried very hard to wake her up by saying that it was time to go and we could call her a cab. There was absolutely no sign of her getting up. We checked her purse and found an ID. We then had her name and had a possible current address but no cab would drive this woman home in her condition.

We continued cleaning up as we talked through possible solutions. Finally, one bartender found a note with 20 pounds that had been left at the corner of the bar. I dunno about the others, but I was pretty shocked that whoever she was with had just left her there, passed out drunk on her own in a bar. Two of us volunteered to help - me also an Indian girl and this white British guy. We were all grossed out and screaming because we had pee on us and somehow the combination of peeing and us screaming woke the drunk woman up.

Even though the woman had partially woken up and had peed all over everything, the nice bartender girl still agreed to let the woman inside her car because that was still the best way to get this over with — we did not want to leave her on her own. The drunk woman kept passing out throughout the ride and had no idea what was going on.

After we finally got to her apartment block, we checked repeated with the woman to see if this was really her apartment so that we could get her safely to her bed.

Then two of us the other indian girl and I carried the woman to her 2nd floor apartment because she could barely stand up by herself. Anyway, we snapped at her for the statement but dropped her safely on her bed and kept the measely 20 pounds her asshole friends left us. I was bartending in a sports bar when a customer started getting rather unruly. He was shouting loudly and crudely at women, and pushing his friends around when they tried to control him.

The owner of the bar, my boss, came up to him and asked him to leave. The customer was probably 6'4" lbs, and my boss is a 5'4" lb korean dude in his forties with a bad temper. The big guy tells him to go fuck himself while his smaller friend is in front of him, holding him back. Guy drops like a rock and everyone is stunned. Guy's friends pick him up and they leave, cops eventually come but don't give a shit.

I get drunk on Monday nights and frequent an Irish bar, I was really worried this would be a story about me. As a server at an Irish bar who works Monday's, I can safely say don't worry, we have stories about you. As a person who reads about Irish bars on Mondays, I can safely say don't worry, we can make up stories about you. I'm a bartender in a college town and have a lot of ridiculous stories, but this one takes the cake.

My college considered a "football school" and when people tailgate, they go hard. Like waking up at 4: By the time the game is over at 3pm most people are just shit-faced. The bar I work at also serves mexican food making it popular for said wasted folk. One Saturday evening, in the middle of the dinner rush, a group of drunk or somethings come in to order drinks. The ladies flirt with the male bartenders I'm female , drink their margaritas, then go on to a different bar.

A few hours later I find an ID on the floor and it happened to belong to one of those women so we put it in the bar drawer in case she came back for it. A couple hours pass before one of the ladies not the one whose ID we found comes staggering back into the bar demanding to know where her friend is. She is borderline hysterical and starting to cause a scene so the male bartenders try to take her aside and calm her down while I take care of making drinks. Suddenly one of the guys starts yelling at the woman, who is now trying to swing at him.

He turned all of the lights off, sceamed at everyone to get out, and continued to reason with this woman while other bartender and I close up tabs and get people out. Cops were called and some guy a husband, I think dragged her out of the bar. Turns out, the woman came in because her friend said she had gone back to get her ID and when she asked for it, the two male bartenders took her downstairs to the office to get it and preceded to gang rape her in the office.

In reality, the friend never came back to the bar at all, just completely made up this bullshit story for no reason other than she was black-out drunk remember, these women are around 40 years old. Two days later, the friend came in sober to see if she left her ID there.

Had no recollection of the event. I'm glad it was blown off due to obviously being fake but god damn. I had a customer who asked me to be his permanent mistress, as his wife is chronically ill. He offered to buy me a house and a car - and pay all the bills, as long as I gave him a boy child heir. This guy I work with is very quiet, but friendly. Everyone loves him and comes to see him serving drinks.

This man is old enough to retire, but chooses to stay because he loves what he does. One night, this man gets too drunk and starts calling him names.

Bartender remains not at all phased. In one fucking leap, the bartender jumps about 5 feet into the air and on top of the bar. He used his fucking 60 year old legs. He then jumps off the bar and says to the drunk man, "You can call me old. You can call me ugly. But don't you EVER talk about my mother that way. We never saw that drunk man again. My guess is he went to therapy after realizing he confronted old Superman in a bar Frequently minor celebrities will come eat dinner at this restaurant.

One night a particular older brunette bimbo comes in. She's going through a divorce and is in to have a "good time. She precedes to get more drunk. It's past closing and she has fallen asleep in one of the booths. The bartender and the owner drive her home. The bartender starts laughing and so does the owner.

They end up dropping the lady and chasing the dogs down for her. I had this regular customer in a little town bar who is sort of a sad sack - 45 years old, lives with his mom and dad still, is probably functionally retarded as far as his IQ goes.

Anyway, one stormy night he comes wandering in and tells me it's his birthday and said his mom "let me use her car since it's my birthday. The lightning outside is flashing, silhouetting her maniacal frame in the doorway. Her voice is as loud as a bull horn. The lone dude in the bar and I were slack-jawed. It was like a bad movie. Doug was now hiding in the men's room and pretending not to hear me screaming at him to come out and deal with his mother. He stayed in there for easily 5 minutes more while his mother ripped me an asshole.

I finally had to threaten the old bag with the police to calm her down. The whole thing was like a David Lynch movie. I had a regular. He had had a tracheotomy, and wore a scarf to cover the hole in his throat. He spoke with a 'voice box' or as the other patrons called it, the "Cancer Kazoo. He drank Pauliner Weiss, with a lemon.

He was a large man, and could drink 7 or 8 before showing signs of drunkenness. And that, of course, is when the fun started.

The first sign was he would quiet down for a while I was often amazed at the power of his voice boxes' battery, that dude could talk. Then he would start to lecture me about my smoking this was in the early 90's, when you could smoke in bars. And then I would start to ignore him. I learned soon enough that if I ignored him long enough, he would leave. It was time for him to go anyway, because he was drunk.

Then one day, after he was drunk and I had begun the not-so-subtle step of ignoring him to make him go away, I hear this loud buzzer.

It sounded like a frigging cow getting electro-shock therapy. I look down the bar at the direction of the sound, and there is my friend, wearing the biggest goddamned shit-eating grin you have ever seen. He had gotten a new 'voice box'. This one had a buzzer. A very fucking annoying buzzer. I had to actually start cutting him off when he used it Fortunately, I moved on to a career in my field of study shortly after this, so only had to suffer this sound for a few weeks.

I apologize for the misstatement I wored on a hotel bar most weekends, usually covering weddings in the HUGE ballroom. He comes up to order a drink, and slurrs out an order for 2 beers. I say he can't have anymore. He says "Fuck this, I don't need this shit", and bails out of the ballroom. He was caught fucking one of the waiters up the ass in the disabled restroom about 15 mins later. The waiter was a very VERY gay man.

The other one was less exciting but made me chuckle, at around 4 or 5am a guy who's gotten pretty drunk and tired lays his head down on the corner of the bar, I was tempted to get him taken out but it wasn't long before the end the bar was quiet and he wasn't hurting anyone, next thing I know he's puked on the bar without getting up, raises his head up for a second before planting it back, face first down in his sick, I radio for security to come escort him out but before they get there his friends find him, take photos, shake him awake and take him out, luckily it happened right next to a bin so it didn't take much cleaning.

I worked in a bar that was really shady and had a deadbeat owner, but then I started booking punk shows there and it got to be a really fun spot. One night out of nowhere, two traveling salesmen came in and started into a long night of drinking. Then the bands show up, and all of a sudden it gets really busy but I kept on treating the salesmen really nicely because I think they were enjoying how much they were sticking out, and a lot of other people were enjoying it too.

They ended up having a great time and were blown away by the music. At the end of the night, one of them wanted to take something home as a souvenir. They had an eye on the drink mat. People often commented on it. It had an old style pbr logo on it with the "what'll you have" slogan, but other than that it was just a dirty, worthless falling apart piece of junk.

I am not a bartender, but I am sitting at the bar with my friend who is tending bar. She just said that besides all of the typical fights ending with people losing teeth, the craziest thing she's ever heard was a guy tell another guy, "I can tell you that guy is a faggot because his dick tastes like shit! One of the funniest things I heard behind the bar was, "You gonna take a salad before I toss your shower?

She didn't remember that she said it or who she said it to the next day. She said it to some random that never came back for some reason. They've had their kids there since 8ish and we had live music.

They clap along, like it and kids put their heads down on the table with coats for pillows - obviously exhausted. Parents continue to party not at the bar, at a table, dumb waitress continues to give them booze. At 10pm we convert to a bar, to table service and I kick them the fuck out - they wake their kids up and storm out. Ex-marine bartender working with me grabs the brass beer taps on either side of him, and uses them to lift and hurdle the bar in one smooth motion, like olympic vaulting over the bar, and clotheslines pottymouth in the process.

Punches him a couple times and drags him to the door. We both pick him up and throw him out the door which had stairs. He calls us names and bleeds out the front door. Also sprayed the entire bar with champagne at midnight - good times. Worst shot ever taken we were bored and had a nasty shot contest: Microwaved house Juarez silver tequila, snort the salt, take the shot, lime juice in the eye.

Worst shot ever served: Hippy comes in at closing. The journal of hilarious notes that guys write to the hot female co-workers. Poems were classics too. Best prank pulled on me: I obliviously wore a sign that said "Cowboys butts drive me nuts" on my back during the dinner rush.

Worst shot served besides bar-mat, rail tequila and mayo microwaved for 15 sec. House whiskey and a pinch of saw dust - George Washington's Teeth. You're supposed to drink it with your teeth clenched and suck it through so you end up with the sawdust in your teeth. I have worked for the past 9 years as a bartender in the only strip club in a college town.

I have some crazy I mean crazy stories. I've worked every job here accept doorman because I honestly don't like being punched not even a little. I have bartender stories too is you want them. But this happened while I was a working a DJ shift and I think this one is near the top for crazy. We often get bachelor parties in and for a fee we get them up on the stage and 4 girls basically humiliate the guy for the entire runtime of Girls, Girls, Girls by Motley Crue 5: They do stuff like run across the stage and jump onto their laps and slam into them really hard, while I say cheesy shit like "Let's give it up for Derp's last night of freedom.

It ends with the guy on his hands and knees getting his underwear torn off basically wedgie style then he gets a T-shirt for his troubles. S, not a bad deal if your the kind of douche who really likes seeing your best friend in humiliating pain. Well one night we had a couple in that were getting married the very next day.

The bridesmaid came up with the brilliant idea of getting them both up on stage at the same time. I had already slotted the dance for the next set since the grooms party had arrived much earlier, and I had never done this before but hey what the hell it will free up another slot and we make double for the same amount of time so Profit.

What I don't know is that the groom is fucking hammered, head bobbing, doesn't know where he is. Normally my doorman who puts the chair up on the stage would give me a heads up before we started but in the rush to add the bride I didn't get the signal. I have to find four more girls to go up who aren't already giving lap dances, or yelling on their phone, or smoking, or crying, or beating the shit out of another dancer.

Everything is fine for the first part of the song. The girls are being really nice to the bride and doing the same old shit to drunken groom.

When they go to get the guy on his hands and knees he freaks the fuck out. He grabs the nearest dancer's ankle in both hands, and tries to Idk it's kind of hard to describe. He like lifted her leg up, tripping her and causing her to fall and at the same time he jumped to his feet. Then he tried like snapping her leg like a tree branch. It was fucking crazy. The doorman tackles him off the stage grabs him up by the back of his shirt and drags him out the door. Both wedding parties rush out the after them.

The groom is just crazy he's screaming and throwing punches wildly. He only connects once though. I'll give you one guess as too whom he smote That's right, his wife to be.

Right in front of her Father who was in his bachelor party. And it was a solid hit too, her eye was going to be black no doubt. And then it was on, yelling and screaming, shoving. I never found out the outcome but if those kids actually got married I would be shocked.

I have always regretted my involvement in that, I don't feel blame just shame. Encouraged by our trashy DJ of the night, he convinces two women to perform an amateur strip tease. Mind you one of these women is a 50 year old piece of trailer trash meth mouth wearing a tank top airbrushed simply with the word "Foxy".

The other girl might as well be the Scumbag Stacy meme. Clearly Scumbag Stacy is winning the kudos of the drunk masses, so not to be outdone, "Foxy" tries to up the ante and win the crowd's approval by stripping out of her jorts Jean shorts and saggy panties, popping out her blood clotted panty liner along the way. Much to the horror of the patrons, she spends the next several minutes humping the wooden floor to Usher.

Shocks, gasps, laughter, and awkward stares, and disbelief fill the bar. It's like watching an Arby's sandwich trying to escape from wounded harbor seal. When the song stops, "Foxy" has a brief instance of the realization of her actions, but is too out of her mind on pills, drugs, booze to put any form of clothing to cover her from the waist down. Her equally as trashy man and to chase her around the bar trying to get her to put at least some of her clothes back on. I am 5'3 and and 93lbs of fury and as the only female bartender at my job took a drunken 5'7 self proclaimed "latin king" out front on a cigarette break and beat the shit out of him after grabbing me and calling me a cunt for refusing to serve him after entering shipwrecked.

I have never before hit anyone out of anger, but it felt damn good. For clarification, this was after my drunken boss refused to turn down any form of cash, regardless of how disrespectful. I was working one sunday as the only competent fucking server i bar tended nights in the building and my bartender was at the bar. We had a full house never happens tons of regulars at the bar and tons of religious people at the tables. We were just chillin, hung over and finally finished working our asses off as the rush was subsiding.

My bartender - lets call him Chez, comes to me and says "That shifty guy at the bar keeps asking where the nearest hospital is, can you look it up on your phone? A couple from one of the hi-tops comes over and tells us that they are leaving and to tab them out.

Chez goes to tab them out, and they tell me the guy we were talking to was muttering to himself about a bomb. Motherfucker had a huge backpack on with cellophane sticking out the top. This seems like it could be legit. I tell Chez, and he goes to get the manager. The manager comes over and is like.. We all agree we better call the fuckin po-pos. We do, tell them whats up, and wait. The guy just stands there muttering to himself as we freak the fuck out.

Finally, he gets up to leave. As he walks across the street to the hotel next door, cops finally roll up. They come in and we tell them where he went. In about 15 second flat the hotel is surrounded, and roped off. News crews showed up about 7 minutes later. Now, with this shit going on and the street closed off, all the people from the hotel come over and chill at the bar.

The place was packed thanks bomb guy for all the cash flow, btw. I found out later the cops apprehended the mental patient dude and did find a home made bomb on his person. I tried to find a news story on it, but I couldn't. The hotel was a Viscount Suite in tucson. Hansel And Gretel is being deemed by the company as a superb follow-up to the pokie of Red Riding Hood. Yggdrasil continues to strengthen its portfolio of slot games, this time expanding its business by including a new slot.

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I assume she's from nearby, nicely dressed and polite speaker, maybe she needs some garlic to cook with. So I run down to the kitchen and fill a small to-go box with some garlic cloves. I come back, hand her the box, and she can barely contain herself. Saying how I and another server she had seen that day apparently she had been at a friend's party earlier on, might explain the odd behaviour "restored her faith in people".

She handed me a ten dollar bill to try and pay, I told her it was on the house. So she put the bill in my pocket, sat down at the bar, and started munching on the raw garlic cloves. She ordered up a grey goose and soda, so I certainly didn't mind her hanging around the bar.

So she proceeded to munch on garlic and tell me a bit about herself, how she was a local, doing well with her and her friend running a small business together, and asked if I was single because she knew some girls who would absolutely love me. I lied on that one because I wasn't too comfortable with the thought of a slightly-off-her-rocker 40 year old trying to set me up.

She then threatened to throw up on the bar if I didn't keep it. Oddball woman walked into my bar, asked for garlic. Raw garlic is actually great medicine and a natural antibiotic, it also helps against penile dysfunction btw but I doubt she was suffering from that one. I'm pretty sure watching a woman scarf down a handful of raw garlic cloves causes penile dysfunction. One Halloween, there was a dry rave next door to the bar I worked in so obviously we were busy. Two couples dressed as chip'n'dales and strippers walked in and orders some shooters at the bar.

The one guy sits at one of the stools and starts making out with the girl with the bigger tits. He proceeds to rip her shirt down and shove his hand up her skirt and before anybody could say anything, he pulls his hand out from her crotch and WIPES her fucking juices on the bar. Obviously we kicked them out. I was working at a bar a few weeks ago and this girl just dropped down at the bar and started blowing a guy. The bar wasn't even that packed It was funny watching guys mack on her later that night who had no idea..

Making out with a girl that has huge knockers in a bar, then fingering her and wiping her juices on the counter isn't normal - but on molly it is. I was a bartender for 10 years in NYC and saw tons of crazy and messed up things that I don't want to repeat. Here's a good one. I worked a neighborhood bar and had tons of regulars from all walks of life. Every bartender has a gift and mine is remembering peoples drinks and the specific way it's made.

If you're picky about your martini, you want me to be your bartender. Anyway, a Rabbi in his late 60's would come in every Monday at 6: I never knew his name and just always called him "Rabbi". Rabbi's drink was a Rob Roy, straight up with red label scotch and barely a splash of sweet vermouth shaken in plain ice then drained.

Then I added the booze and swiftly stirred in order to cool the drink without watering it down. Finished it off with a lemon twist wipe on the rim of a chilled glass.

Rabbi had been a regular for four years when one day, I saw him walking in so I began making his drink. The bar was unusually busy and all six tables and all bar stools were filled. I poured Rabbi's drink and then went to take care of tables. Was making a drink order when I notice Rabbi not drinking, but instead stiffening up for a moment before he fell backwards and completely hit the ground I jumped over the bar and saw that he was holding his arm.

I thought it was a heart attack but not sure. He asked me to call a special ambulance service can't remember the name but it was Hasidic.

I ran across the street to a Bodega and hurriedly asked for asprin. Didn't have time to pay, just ran back to the bar and shoved it in Rabbi's mouth and made him swallow it with water. I was shocked when dinner customers were complaining about not having ketchup and yelled at the entire bar, "Can't you see we have a man who may be having a heart attack?

The ambulance showed up and unfortunately dropped him twice I got fed up with them and called I thought that Rabbi had died because I hadn't seen him in several weeks.

One day, I was pleasantly surprised when I saw Rabbi limping into the bar with the assistance of a younger man who turned out to be his son. His son told me that his dad had insisted on visiting me to thank me for saving his life.

It turned out that three of his arteries were almost fully closed and if he hadn't had the aspirin, he would have died. Way to go with the aspirin. Also, kudos on the "Rabbi walks into a bar.. To be honest upfront: I am not a bartender. But I was IN a bar staffed by a friend of my boyfriends, and it's a fairly quiet night, and suddenly there's this muffled thwump sound, and utter silence falls over the entire room.

That reminds me of something I heard recently on a Freakonomics podcast. The family who used to own Anheuser Busch have a strange tradition: Beer is literally the first thing those babies eat or drink after being born. I hate myself for it, but this is the first thing I thought of. Mine aren't so crazy as they are sad, since I used to work in a sports club with many poker machines. I did bar service and payouts giving people poker machine credit slips so you saw a lot of people down on their luck, others who were clearly addicted SOP was to report the people to supervisors and you know, duty of care and all that, we were supposed to provide them with gambling help line materials.

Never once saw it happen. There were some awesome pokie players too, though. This guy owned a bunch of businesses and drove either a gorgeous harley or gorgeous mercedes.

He went through thousands like it was pocket change probably was for him. One amusing thing was when a new guy came in to try his luck.

I think he was there to have dinner with the family or something. Anyway, his first time ever playing a poker machine, he's playing 1 cent machines typically lowest risk, lowest reward and he bets 25 cents. Second spin, he gets a jackpot, not an unheard of occurance with how jackpots work.

Never saw him again. Also, because sometimes the best stories involve the staff and not the patrons, I bring you this. One christmas party, the club had had a bumper year siphoning food and rent money from their regulars using the pokies and decided "wtfrite? Open bar for the staff". Messy doesn't even begin to describe it, but the general state of all the attendees during and afterwards isn't the focus of the story I was working the bar for the staff party, no drinkies for me.

Our club, as with many workplaces, was a bit incestuous when it came to relationships. There were people hooking up all over the place, drama all the time, blah blah blah.

So you can imagine what happens when you get the staff from the 5 clubs I worked at the biggest one all together for a party with free booze, no limit basic beers, wines and spirits and a huge amount of hedonistic tendencies. Then factor in the bowling greens that were just outside where the party was being held. And the tennis courts a little further down. And the tennis clubhouse in between these. Plus the miscellaneous amounts of shrubs, dark corners and bushes that surrounded the property.

I had to go out, several times, due to customer complaints about people on the bowling greens. In some cases, the complaints were by older patrons who didn't want the greens getting messed up but didn't realise what was happening.

Others were from more savvy patrons who realised that the people rolling around down there were probably not sussing out the lie for tomorrow's bowls tournament.

Talk about awkward looks from co-workers on the next few shifts. Luckily there were also some who I did need to see like that so bonus points. You may be wondering about the tennis courts, clubhouse and surrounds. Well, I didn't find these, but the stories from the groundskeepers kept me laughing for a good long while over the next week. They were still finding condoms for that long. The worst would have to be the guy who was using a ride-on mower around the side of the club, near the wall.

As he told it, he was turning around on the mower when he saw something whiz by out of the corner of his eye from the mower blades. He got off the mower and went to have a look at the wall to see what it was and it was a ripped condom that was slowly dribbling down the wall along with the remainders of fluid that hadn't been ejected by the rubber's unintended ballistics.

I imagine it rolling down the wall looked much like these things do. I used to bartend for an upscale catering company--weddings, corporate events, etc. Worst story ever was a white-trashy re-wedding. They only contracted our company for the bar, and it was a cheaper place doing the food.

Worst night of tips I had at that job, by a large statistical margin. But that wasn't the worst part. Both bride and groom had children from a previous marriage. The groom's son, in particular, was quite endearing to me. He was middle-school age, and smart as all hell--the rare small child who can hold a semi-adult conversation and hold his own.

I kept him stocked with Shirley Temples all night, and we talked a fair amount of baseball. So the wedding party decided to commemorate the occasion with shot glasses for the wedding party.

Said shot glasses were put to use, aggressively, throughout the night. At the end, as we're packing everything up, one of the shot glasses is left on the counter. Most of the guests have gone by this point. Both bride and groom are well into their '40s, so by I ask around about the shot glass, and find out that it belongs to the groom. He is seated with his son and the bride's daughter at a table by the dance floor. The groom is barely coherent, passing out in the chair.

The children are trying in vain to keep him awake. At the same time as me, a few other people notice this situation and begin assisting with him. With the situation under control, I want as little to do with this sordid reminder of the broken home I come from. I set the shot glass on the table, and go to leave. But as I take a step away, the little girl tells me "Please don't give it back to him, he'll drink more then! I stop, and the son grabs the shot glass and pockets it.

He reassures me that he'll keep it from his dad for the rest of the night. The look in his eyes tells me that he means it. It's a look I know all too well. That kid has a lifetime or two of what not to do to learn from, and it sounds like he's getting a good start on it.

He's going to be okay. I used to work in a small pub on the bottom floor of a fairly large concert venue. During our Halloween party I had to jump the bar and break up a fight between two guys dressed in the same exact Mario Costume. At that point Mario B went all Smash Bros.

The expression on the Police Officer's face was priceless as he walked in and saw us trying to separate two drunk, bruised and bloody Marios. I work in a hotel bar in the UK, I've seen some interesting things over the last three years of working in this place.

My favourite story, though, is the one I trot out when I talk with the new staff that I end up training on the bar. The day that I turned up to find a shit behind the bar. It was a lovely colour of brown, a bestial brown, if you are a Warhammer fan. I was a little surprised, so I informed the duty manager of it, who came around, had a little laugh about it with me then I cleaned it up. End of the story?

I started asking around the staff to hear if anything else similar had happened in the last few days, trying to identify our phantom shitter. It turned out that this one guest had some mental problems and had been defecating at random throughout the hotel and on the bus that he was part of the tour with.

I think he was with his parents on the trip. He'd shit in his room, he'd shit outside his hotel room door, he'd shit on the coach. He also wandered out of the hotel on his own and into the town center and was terrorizing the local branch of the Halifax bank. I like to use it as an idea of how each day at work can be completely unlike the one before. I understand that it still happens. That doesn't make it any less illegal, and employees should know their rights.

Wage and Hour Division section of the U. Department of Labor website says, "Tips are the property of the employee. Many of the laws concerning tips within the United States fall under State Law and vary from state to state. So if a manager withholds your tips to pay for something, you can report them to the department of labor or go ahead and just sue them. That article really talks him up more than puts him down. I'm gonna check out those books and hope he's somewhere near as good as that writer says he is.

He was a nice enough albeit troubled guy. He started stopping in the club I worked at for awhile. I couldn't 86 him because of an incident that happened somewhere else.

I warned the bartenders, but at the time he mostly had his shit together. It was a small gesture but whatever.. Small town, this bar tends to attract the older crowd, more of a pub really.

One of our busier nights we had a decently mixed crowd including two young couples sitting together. They were all nice enough, polite and tipped well, each guy had an arm around their respective girl and they seemed to be having fun. About half an hour later the other waitress comes up to me and asks about the table. It's not a huge bar, I know who she's talking about when she describes them. She says we have to kick them out.

I thought maybe they got in a fight with someone or something, so I asked her what happened. That's right, not one guy and a girlfriend, the two guys. I guess she had been standing beside the door when a customer opened the door and everyone got an eyeful.

We had single occupancy bathrooms, with a damn lock! The girlfriends had been sitting at the table the whole time, unaware as far as I know. When we went to ask them to leave they were already gone. When the other waitress told me we both had a good chuckle and were glad they were already gone so we didn't have to do anything about it.

I had to break them up by spraying water on them from the drink gun while telling them that they were all beautiful in their own way but if they didn't sit the fuck down I was gonna kick the shit out of them. I also work at an Irish Pub in the Netherlands and we have slot machines.

Our regulars spend a lot of money on them. When I first started working there almost a year ago there was a female regular so caught up in the machine that she didn't want to stop and take a bathroom break. Keep in mind that it was a quiet afternoon and the only ones there were her and some other regulars, so she would not have to be afraid of losing her spot.

So she proceeded to urinate on the stool she was sitting on. So we kicked her and the stool out, got a new stool and I personally never saw her in the pub again. Funny how people don't realize that the first pull has the same chance of winning as the th. OK, the house can control the payout, but there machines with certain percentage "guaranteed payouts".

This is a sad and horrible story. Bartending one night I had a group of younger kids near 21 come in. I recognized the girl from a mutual friend we shared. Her man introduced himself as "Satan" and proceeded to be an ass the entire night. Finally I had to put him out. He was being verbally abusive to his girl and others.

He refused to pay I confronted and was He actually lowered his head and handed me his entire wallet. I refused to touch his wallet got his girl to pull the money out. Apparantly super upset from me "putting him in his place" he was snapping on his girlfriend to the point where she came back inside and asked me and others to keep him away from her.

Because she knew me she asked if she could leave with me. I told her it wasn't a good idea for many reasons. But I let her stay until she got a ride to pick her up I didn't find out until the next day when my boss called me asking me to come in The police wanted to speak to me.

He effin killed that girl. He stabbed her through the torso with a decorative katana. And my understanding is he claimed in wrestling the katana from her, yada yada, basically plead to some petty manslaughter get out in 2 years type of bullshit. I told the police everything I could to get him put away. His aggressive demeanor, verbal abuse to her, threatening me. I'll always wonder if maybe me standing up to him triggered some crazy response in him.

It was a waste. And that's the story about when I met Satan. I wish I knew it all so I could put him on blast. Not your fault man. For all you know your intervention could have stopped him from hurting even more people. Don't blame yourself, a million things could have happened. I was working the night of the Grey Cup game Canada's Superbowl , it was a super busy night the Riders were playing so the place was PACKED and I shit you not during half time this huge bastard walks in wearing giant sunglasses, a trench coat and a hard hat, drunk as fuck.

I watch him take a step towards the bar and he stops dead and just stands there for a few seconds. All of a sudden he opens his coat and pulls out this giant fucking salami, takes a bite, yells "fuck ya! Was bartending at a family owned Tex-Mex place in New Hampshire. A coworker and I were chatting about something on the news and I said "Yeah, at least it's not Russia! She then started regaling the entire bar with stories of the Soviet glory days, babbling on in a crazy Bond villain accent about how great everything used to be.

We then noticed that she'd peed all over the stool. I worked in a very high volume cocktail bar, one night around xmas there was a DJ playing pumping big band swing. This was in the UK so everyone was fucking annihilated. There was this really hammered dwarf who would repeatedly stagger over to the bar, get a bartender to lean all the way over to hear him and then whisper, "I'm sorry I'm a little drunk" before exploding with laughter and then staggering back to the dance floor.

I can think of crazier stories but this one stands out as one of the funniest scenes. I am not a bartender but security but this just happened the other night So we are closing up the joint and this crazy lady who has been talking to herself and cursing for the last half hour decides to go into the bathroom. She is in there for maybe 8 minutes and we are trying to get everyone out so we make her come out.

She finally leaves the bathroom and this dude gives her a little bit of shit about hogging the one bathroom the ladies room was out of service so we were down to 1 She proceeds to start screaming every curse word I can think of at this guy, and while she is yelling at him she just starts pissing her pants. Well she finishes pissing and we push her out the door, and then she comes around knocking on the windows and flipping people off.

She looks at me, blows me a kiss and I bow in return, and then she goes back to flipping everyone else off. A girl who was with the guy goes "What is she saying? If she pissed her pants right after she left the bathroom, what the crap was she doing while she was inside? I used to work at a horse racing track, the place was over a hundred years old and had all sorts or weird corridors and cheap walls.

All of a sudden I hear BAM!!!! And yes, he was apprehended by security and arrested. Bartending at an Indian restaurant just outside of DC. Big bar, not many people ever come to the actual bar, simply go straight to dinner. But one woman sits at the bar and looks at our appetizer menu. She asks if there's anything that isn't spicy because apparently she had just come from surgery where a portion of her tongue was removed.

I pointed out the most bland thing, and put in an order while she ordered a vodka tonic. When the order comes out, she eats a few bites and proceeds to sweat profusely. She runs to the bathroom repeatedly and is freaking out all the while asking for multiple vodka tonics.

After our owner came out and apologized, he offered to take chicken and have it cooked in bland yogurt. He gave her the drinks for free and the specially made chicken as well. She then freaked out a little further when he left, saying she would take it and feed it to her dog and asked for one more vodka tonic before she left. Either she was seriously crazy, or deviously smart.

Who comes to an Indian restaurant after having a portion of your tongue removed and sensitivity to spices? I've been raised in the hospitality industry in Australia, my family have owned and run hotels and bars since well before I was born. Needless to say I have seen some pretty incredible shit in my time, but by far the best was watching my mother all 5'7" of her come out from behind the bar to grab two brawling bikies by their beards, twist the hair in her fists till their eyes watered and they stopped punching on, and then demand that they each took a bar stool and sit in opposite corners of the bar or she would, and I quote directly, "give them a fucking hiding that their mothers would be proud to witness.

At this point I'm figuring that I'll be burying my mother the next day unless I do something, so I grab hold of the baseball bat we keep under the bar and go to launch myself over the counter when, to the surprise of everyone in the pub, these hard ass bikies do exactly as they're told and don't move until my mother tells them to get up, shake hands and buy each other a beer I used to be a cart girl when I was in university so I had to put up with some huge creeps who thought I liked being hit-on by old men.

The worst was during a tournament that was put on for police officers not sure what division it was , one jack-ass totally crossed the line.

I usually drive by and ask the golfers if I could get them anything and one cop said "yea, a blow-job". I was so furious that I snapped "well I'm sure one of your buddies wouldn't mind doing that for you" and drove off. I told the other cart girls to avoid them for the rest of the day, don't piss off the people who are getting you drinks.

My philosophy''s always been "don't fuck with the guy making your drinks, making your food, or fixing your car. And I worked at a hotel with a golf course, and I was in the banquet department.

MY manager went to one of the girls who worked in our department and asked her if she wanted to sell beer on the course the next day. She couldn't but I volunteered, it was an easy way to make money. He looked at me like I was retarded and just said no. I'm a 6'1" guy. I figured it out once I saw her with the wad of cash. I've been at my bar for about 5 years now. It's a little dive bar in Sacramento, CA. We sling some great drinks and have a blast. About a year after I had started working there I was about 22 three good looking girls come in to the bar and sit down.

All three of them were probably at least a solid 7. After about rounds, they start talking about anal with their significant others. It was almost a stereotypical conversation. One girl tried it and hated it, one girl was still uneasy about it. LOVED it so much that she told a story about how her and her dude were in Macy's after some afternoon delight. I was pouring a draft beer at the time, trying my hardest not to make it blatantly obvious that I was listening to every word they were saying.

The story went on about how they were downstairs of Macy's when the girl had to let out a little fart. So much that she had to rush to the bathroom. To this day, the story has burnt a hole in my soul. I now manage a bar right outside DC where I've bartended for at least 5 years. Some of these didn't happen to me personally, but to a coworker:. Naked man comes in, asks for drink. The bartender calls the police. Police come, cuff him, wrap him in newspaper because he had shat himself, and carry him away.

Our 18 year old, fresh-faced busser still has braces gets a bj in the bathroom at our closed holiday party by a something semi-regular who somehow managed to get in. Three times in the next week she comes in saying "Seth owes me money. I ban her then next time I see her. Semi-regular drops a bag with a good amount of weed in it. Once we close, a server finds it and puts it in the safe for me. Guy comes back the next day wondering if "um, anyone found, you know Guy tries to get server's attention by poking her with a fingernail file.

Bartender boots him with extreme prejudice. Guy comes back later that week and the same bartender was working. Bartender asks him what the fuck he thinks he's doing there and guy rears back and pokes the bartender in the eye as hard as he can. Not a he-tried-to-hit-him-but-accidentally-poked-him poke, but a I'm-gonna-poke-you-in-the-eye-like-I've-done-thistimes-before poke.

Apparently eye-poking is all in the elbow. Cops cart him off and server and bartender eventually testify against him in court. They finally settle on long island ice teas. She gladly pays, downs the sink water, and leaves. Bartender shatters a pint glass and manages to get multiple cuts on both hands.

There's no back up and it's too many cuts for bandaids. He puts latex gloves on, duct-tapes them around his wrists, and bartends with the gloves slowly filling with blood for a couple of hours. Number six there, Glove Guy? That is a guy I want working for me. That's some motherfucking dedication. She came in every night for two weeks straight to figure out my schedule. She was in her early forties, dirty blonde, shoulder length hair and hid her sunken eyes behind large, plastic rimmed glasses.

She made it very well known that she was sexually attracted to me. For example, after many shots of Goldshlager and Berringer white zinfandel, she would often offer to give me blowjobs The other regulars soon and easily caught on and it became a sad joke.

Each time I would politely decline, crack a witty joke and move on with my business. This went on for close to six months.

Every time I worked Seductively licking her cracked lips and shouting innuendo. I began to get quite perturbed. So, I start giving it back to her. Telling her I wanted it but was afraid I would get in trouble.

The regulars started in on her too. When I would go grab stock, or food for a patron, the regulars would tell her I was really in to her but was nervous of the age difference. I was 23 at the time. As did my last night. My stalker obviously knew. On my last night, she came in dressed up in her sexiest outfit. She quickly got hammered and the floodgate of come-ons rolled off her tongue with halitosis quickly following. She began loudly begging, "Please just let me suck your cock!

I told her within earshot of my regulars that I was going to go out back for a smoke break and we could do it there.

Only there was an embarrassing issue holding me back. I said, "This is really embarrassing, but the only way I am able to get hard is if I shit Obviously, the rest of the bar simultaneously gasped and sat waiting on my reply. She hadn't finished her sentence before I had pulled out a container of plastic wrap and said, "I had Mexican for lunch so it's a good thing this is industrial.

The roar of cheers and laughter wrang through the bar as I continued by telling her, "Get ready and I'll meet ya out back in 5. After about 20 minutes, she game back inside with a wad of industrial plastic wrap in her hand and a face full of utter disappointment and belted out, "I thought you were gonna come out back and shit on my chest!?! By this time, most of the rest of the staff had come to bare witness to this, the unbelievable yet hilarious meltdown.

I went up to her and planted a big smacking kiss on her lips and thanked her for the best, last night I could ever asked for. I bought the bar a round of Goldshlager in dedication to my most dedicated regular. I still visit that bar every time I'm in town and sometimes run into her. Each time I buy her I do have one good one though. I was working, and we do get a lot of good looking ladies in the bar during summertime.

It's warm out and it's by the beach so many are scantily clad, and are often sharking. One time that stands out to me you'll see why is when this extremely hot girl kept hitting on me while I was working.

Two of the Gorkhan VII warships were destroyed. The Lotharians lost five vessels, a cruiser and four destroyer class warships before they jumped away. Several years later, in , Dustovy Pirates raided a Geddan orbital munitions manufacturing facility at Yu Rien Among the weapons and munitions stolen were nearly 30, micro-singularity canister bombs and 23, Nova Inducer warheads. Cybernetic forces hunted the Dustovy pirate band responsible for the raid on Yu-Rein-4 and eliminated them in running battles across the Xerien Nebula during and None of the munitions stolen from Yu Rien-4 were recovered.

In , cybernetic forces in Estra were forced to begin anti-piracy patrols to deal with the increasing number of attacks by rag tag pirate squadrons throughout the Estra galaxy.

Biological resistance groups and pirates increased their attacks in the following years and in the early part of a scratch squad of Naplians, Hosanii, and Humans boarded a two-hundred-year old derelict nova inducer station at the Hecca Star System and reactivated the station.

They brought a Nova Inducer warhead and launched it. Disaster struck in , when every functional foldgate in Estra went offline.

BOA

Disaster struck in , when every functional foldgate in Estra went offline. Thousands of stars across the galaxy went nova over a seven-week period. The massed explosions generated shockwaves and dust cloud nebulae that substantially altered much of the stellar geography of Estra.

Cybernetic losses were substantial. Only 10 percent of the total number of cyber ground forces survived the attacks. Just three percent of cybernetic stellar fleet remained in Estra, cut off from their cybernetic brethren in the other galaxies of the local cluster.

Although the general regions for the galaxy where ancient empires lived are intact, the forces of multiple novae and supernovas have created thousands of new nebulae. Star systems have been driven into new constellations, and the old coordinates are gone. Ancient trade routes have vanished or been blocked and new routes have opened.

The ancient Estra Galaxy has a new look and feel. Truppen self-propelled artillery circa TSD. Model by Max Bagdasarov and Dmitry Borodin. You are using an outdated browser. Please upgrade your browser to improve your experience. The balance of power and the face of the Estra Galaxy had changed. I'd been flashed a bunch at work, but never this, and I'm a bit worried that she's doing something that'll get her kicked out.

I tell her to stop! She doesn't listen, and I have no idea whether this was intentional or not. My initial reaction was to stand there blankly contemplating what just happened. Then I burst out laughing so hard, and a few others around the bar did too lots of people wanted a look as well.

This infuriated her for one of two possible reasons. Or 2 She didn't realize that she queefed and she thought I was laughing hysterically at her vajayjay.

Her response was to flip me and the rest of the bar off, and walk outside, light a cig, and puke on the curb. Hahahaha I misinterpreted 'sharking' as Shark Week, like you had a high population of female patrons on the rag. I was reading in utter horror until I realized what you actually meant! I don't know a man on earth that deserves to know that his wife once offered up her chest for a pile of another man's feces.

I used to bounce at a western bar when I was about 25, in grad school. I guess I was a bit of a shitty bouncer, because I was nice to people, and smiled at them until things went south. But with a drunk, older woman, an innocent smile is all it takes. I imagine most young, reasonably attractive women have to deal with this sort of thing all the time, from older men. Being propositioned is great, but some of these drunken western women would practically attack me, or ambush me in a hallway.

Then inevitably comes the "woman scorned" thing, when I'd reject them. They would get pissed off, then yell and curse, and punch. It's the same thing to reject a drunk woman's advance as to call a drunk man a fucking asshole.

Once a woman who reminded me of my mom smacked me bang in the nose. To this day I avoid western bars. I had a brief stint as a bouncer at the little bear up in Evergreen, CO. One night the band is getting the crowd all worked up, and some ladies get up to dance with the band. I suppose they're feeling confident and start a strip tease chicken tournament.

Well, all but one leave the stage after baring their breasts, but one gets completely nude, and is dancing for about 10 minutes. Of course this is against health code, and that's trouble, but that crowd was ornery, and I wasn't about to get in the middle of that mess and stop the fun. Had a nice view on the balcony too. Of course afterwards the other guys were telling all sorts of outrageous stories.

We got yelled at the next day, but not one fuck was given. Umm there are two that stick out to me Once a guy tipped me with a coupon for McDicks and that was awesome. But a major thing that I've had to deal with it people stealing shit from the club I work at when they think I'm not looking. One of my co-workers had previously beat up a patron for attempting to steal a tip jar. He was just like "I honestly didn't even think about it, I just went for him What do I see?

Some asshole trying to take one! My co-worker was totally right about acting before thinking because before the guy even knew it, I had squirrel monkey'd over the bar and grabbed this guy. I had my tip jar and was just going at him until the bouncers came and took over. My boss kept a tip bag out of sight behind the counter to put in the money from the actual tip jars into. Not me but a guy I know worked as a bartender at some hick place.

One night a bunch of obviously underaged drunk girls walk into the bar. However, this is Louisiana so they are allowed alcohol no problem. This one girl starts hitting on this guy the whole night talking about how if she didn't have a boyfriend she would totally bang him.

You know, the usual drunk girl speel. Anywho, this girl proceeds to get completely inebriated and starts making moves on this guy. At this point the boyfriend has showed up some meathead looking douche and starts getting pissed at her. They get in a huge fight and the dude storms out of the bar.

She turns to the bartender and says "Well, since I am about to break up with him, whaddya say we hook up? So, in her full stealth mode, she slips behind the bar and gives him head while he is serving drinks. They have been dating for two years now and have a kid together. All I can think about is what they are going to tell the kid when he asks how they met.

The regulars that would come in were generally pretty nice, and even with a large amount of Hells Angels bikers coming in, and the occasional fight, it was actually pretty tame. One Saturday night there was an absolute prick sitting at the bar. He was in his late 50's, and all night he was hitting on the young under 18 food runners, and bar backs, and just being a general nuisance. The situation only got worse later on that night when he was properly wasted off his fucking ass.

I only noticed that he was shit faced when he got off Usually in these situations the best thing to do is just stop serving him and let him find his way home. Regardless, I didn't really care all too much because I just got to go home early. I walked outside the front door, where there was an outdoor patio area, and the parking lot for the bar.

I lit up a cigarette and was checking out a Sweet yellow Testarossa parked right at the entrance, when out of fucking nowhere, the drunk bastard from the bar, keys in hand, trips, falls and smacks his face on the drivers side door of the Ferrari. Broken nose, blood everywhere, and dirt and rocks all over his face. It turned out it was actually his Ferrari, and the owners of the bar knew him by name.

So here's where it gets even funnier. The owners, bouncer, and some people who just saw the incident are helping him, I see my manager calling his wife to come pick him up. Five minutes later and he's in his wife's minivan going home to the kids. Drunk idiot faceplants into his ferrari, and gets his wife to come pick him up. The guy's a clod, but I remember seeing some interview wherein a Ferrari higher-up said that yellow was the original "official" Ferrari color.

I work in fine dining. You know, the guy with the vest and the garter? Meanwhile, two scumbag Steve's I mean as ghetto looking as white boys an look walk into my bar and ask what cognacs we have. Dude says, "yeah, man, ain't shit. Remember the guy sitting alone? H is making fun of them the whole time. Then the rich guy that was sitting alone decides to pay. His credit card is denied. Dude runs out the bar as soon as my back is turned. I forgot to include the fact that I had to pay the house 3.

Kind of like a hairstylist. The people I worked for at the time gave not one fuck and the lack of tip is always deemed lack of service. I am a straight male bartender and the other guy working with me behind the bar was a flamboyantly gay friend of mine.

We worked at a Bar down by the waterfront of Toronto and every summer there's a festival called Caribana that goes on down there. The whole Caribbean community from the city and a lot of visitors from the states come up to celebrate and I don't have to tell you that not everyone in the Caribbean community is very friendly to gay people. Anyways at some point in the evening my buddy is serving this giant guy who clearly has a problem with him.

He takes a sip of his drink and flips out about how the "faggot" doesn't know how to pour a rum and coke and he's chincin him on the rum and starts tossing out a bunch of slurs. To put it in perspective this man who is now flipping right the fuck out is bigger than most of our security and if it comes down to it there will be a huge fight with him and his friends to break up the situation.

So as things start to get heated I step in and tell the man I'll take care of him. So I grab a training bottle from the back of our bar A 26 of rum that is actually filled with water to practice free pours and stuff if you need too and start long pouring him "rum" and cokes. I be sure to squeeze in at least two limes to try and mask the taste of a watered down coke and hand it over. I joked around with him a little bit and he came back about six times.

He even started to act a little drunk and would tip me. But here's the best part. At the end of the night when my friend and I talked about it, he thanked me for trying to calm this guy down but said we probably should've went the security route instead. I handed him 36 bucks. We hugged and remain bros. Told him it was rum and coke. Made 36 bucks by pocketing all the money every time he came back. It was Black Friday in Britain.

As a foreign student in the country, I initially had no idea what that meant. The other bartenders warned me that it was going to be a rough shift because Black Friday in Britain is the Friday before Christmas when most offices have their annual Christmas parties and a lot of people who didn't normally drink much would be drinking that day.

Sure enough, it was the busiest night I'd ever worked there and it was also the only night that I witnessed a brawl in this normally calm old English pub. We even had to call the cops to break up the fight. Finally, the long and tiring shift came to a close and as the over-crowded bar started emptying out, the other bartenders and I suddenly noticed that there was a drunk woman sitting at a table by herself, completely passed out.

This was normally a quiet bar where we could keep an eye on all patrons and ensure that no one was that drunk. However, it was such a busy night with so many people ordering drinks that someone was possibly taking drinks to her and we just did not notice her there till very few people were left. We tried very hard to wake her up by saying that it was time to go and we could call her a cab.

There was absolutely no sign of her getting up. We checked her purse and found an ID. We then had her name and had a possible current address but no cab would drive this woman home in her condition. We continued cleaning up as we talked through possible solutions. Finally, one bartender found a note with 20 pounds that had been left at the corner of the bar.

I dunno about the others, but I was pretty shocked that whoever she was with had just left her there, passed out drunk on her own in a bar. Two of us volunteered to help - me also an Indian girl and this white British guy. We were all grossed out and screaming because we had pee on us and somehow the combination of peeing and us screaming woke the drunk woman up.

Even though the woman had partially woken up and had peed all over everything, the nice bartender girl still agreed to let the woman inside her car because that was still the best way to get this over with — we did not want to leave her on her own.

The drunk woman kept passing out throughout the ride and had no idea what was going on. After we finally got to her apartment block, we checked repeated with the woman to see if this was really her apartment so that we could get her safely to her bed. Then two of us the other indian girl and I carried the woman to her 2nd floor apartment because she could barely stand up by herself.

Anyway, we snapped at her for the statement but dropped her safely on her bed and kept the measely 20 pounds her asshole friends left us. I was bartending in a sports bar when a customer started getting rather unruly.

He was shouting loudly and crudely at women, and pushing his friends around when they tried to control him. The owner of the bar, my boss, came up to him and asked him to leave. The customer was probably 6'4" lbs, and my boss is a 5'4" lb korean dude in his forties with a bad temper. The big guy tells him to go fuck himself while his smaller friend is in front of him, holding him back. Guy drops like a rock and everyone is stunned. Guy's friends pick him up and they leave, cops eventually come but don't give a shit.

I get drunk on Monday nights and frequent an Irish bar, I was really worried this would be a story about me. As a server at an Irish bar who works Monday's, I can safely say don't worry, we have stories about you. As a person who reads about Irish bars on Mondays, I can safely say don't worry, we can make up stories about you. I'm a bartender in a college town and have a lot of ridiculous stories, but this one takes the cake. My college considered a "football school" and when people tailgate, they go hard.

Like waking up at 4: By the time the game is over at 3pm most people are just shit-faced. The bar I work at also serves mexican food making it popular for said wasted folk. One Saturday evening, in the middle of the dinner rush, a group of drunk or somethings come in to order drinks.

The ladies flirt with the male bartenders I'm female , drink their margaritas, then go on to a different bar. A few hours later I find an ID on the floor and it happened to belong to one of those women so we put it in the bar drawer in case she came back for it.

A couple hours pass before one of the ladies not the one whose ID we found comes staggering back into the bar demanding to know where her friend is. She is borderline hysterical and starting to cause a scene so the male bartenders try to take her aside and calm her down while I take care of making drinks.

Suddenly one of the guys starts yelling at the woman, who is now trying to swing at him. He turned all of the lights off, sceamed at everyone to get out, and continued to reason with this woman while other bartender and I close up tabs and get people out.

Cops were called and some guy a husband, I think dragged her out of the bar. Turns out, the woman came in because her friend said she had gone back to get her ID and when she asked for it, the two male bartenders took her downstairs to the office to get it and preceded to gang rape her in the office. In reality, the friend never came back to the bar at all, just completely made up this bullshit story for no reason other than she was black-out drunk remember, these women are around 40 years old.

Two days later, the friend came in sober to see if she left her ID there. Had no recollection of the event. I'm glad it was blown off due to obviously being fake but god damn. I had a customer who asked me to be his permanent mistress, as his wife is chronically ill.

He offered to buy me a house and a car - and pay all the bills, as long as I gave him a boy child heir. This guy I work with is very quiet, but friendly. Everyone loves him and comes to see him serving drinks. This man is old enough to retire, but chooses to stay because he loves what he does. One night, this man gets too drunk and starts calling him names. Bartender remains not at all phased. In one fucking leap, the bartender jumps about 5 feet into the air and on top of the bar. He used his fucking 60 year old legs.

He then jumps off the bar and says to the drunk man, "You can call me old. You can call me ugly. But don't you EVER talk about my mother that way. We never saw that drunk man again. My guess is he went to therapy after realizing he confronted old Superman in a bar Frequently minor celebrities will come eat dinner at this restaurant.

One night a particular older brunette bimbo comes in. She's going through a divorce and is in to have a "good time. She precedes to get more drunk. It's past closing and she has fallen asleep in one of the booths. The bartender and the owner drive her home. The bartender starts laughing and so does the owner. They end up dropping the lady and chasing the dogs down for her.

I had this regular customer in a little town bar who is sort of a sad sack - 45 years old, lives with his mom and dad still, is probably functionally retarded as far as his IQ goes.

Anyway, one stormy night he comes wandering in and tells me it's his birthday and said his mom "let me use her car since it's my birthday. The lightning outside is flashing, silhouetting her maniacal frame in the doorway.

Her voice is as loud as a bull horn. The lone dude in the bar and I were slack-jawed. It was like a bad movie. Doug was now hiding in the men's room and pretending not to hear me screaming at him to come out and deal with his mother. He stayed in there for easily 5 minutes more while his mother ripped me an asshole.

I finally had to threaten the old bag with the police to calm her down. The whole thing was like a David Lynch movie. I had a regular. He had had a tracheotomy, and wore a scarf to cover the hole in his throat. He spoke with a 'voice box' or as the other patrons called it, the "Cancer Kazoo. He drank Pauliner Weiss, with a lemon.

He was a large man, and could drink 7 or 8 before showing signs of drunkenness. And that, of course, is when the fun started. The first sign was he would quiet down for a while I was often amazed at the power of his voice boxes' battery, that dude could talk.

Then he would start to lecture me about my smoking this was in the early 90's, when you could smoke in bars. And then I would start to ignore him. I learned soon enough that if I ignored him long enough, he would leave. It was time for him to go anyway, because he was drunk.

Then one day, after he was drunk and I had begun the not-so-subtle step of ignoring him to make him go away, I hear this loud buzzer. It sounded like a frigging cow getting electro-shock therapy. I look down the bar at the direction of the sound, and there is my friend, wearing the biggest goddamned shit-eating grin you have ever seen.

He had gotten a new 'voice box'. This one had a buzzer. A very fucking annoying buzzer. I had to actually start cutting him off when he used it Fortunately, I moved on to a career in my field of study shortly after this, so only had to suffer this sound for a few weeks.

I apologize for the misstatement I wored on a hotel bar most weekends, usually covering weddings in the HUGE ballroom. He comes up to order a drink, and slurrs out an order for 2 beers. I say he can't have anymore. He says "Fuck this, I don't need this shit", and bails out of the ballroom. He was caught fucking one of the waiters up the ass in the disabled restroom about 15 mins later. The waiter was a very VERY gay man.

The other one was less exciting but made me chuckle, at around 4 or 5am a guy who's gotten pretty drunk and tired lays his head down on the corner of the bar, I was tempted to get him taken out but it wasn't long before the end the bar was quiet and he wasn't hurting anyone, next thing I know he's puked on the bar without getting up, raises his head up for a second before planting it back, face first down in his sick, I radio for security to come escort him out but before they get there his friends find him, take photos, shake him awake and take him out, luckily it happened right next to a bin so it didn't take much cleaning.

I worked in a bar that was really shady and had a deadbeat owner, but then I started booking punk shows there and it got to be a really fun spot.

One night out of nowhere, two traveling salesmen came in and started into a long night of drinking. Then the bands show up, and all of a sudden it gets really busy but I kept on treating the salesmen really nicely because I think they were enjoying how much they were sticking out, and a lot of other people were enjoying it too.

They ended up having a great time and were blown away by the music. At the end of the night, one of them wanted to take something home as a souvenir. They had an eye on the drink mat.

People often commented on it. It had an old style pbr logo on it with the "what'll you have" slogan, but other than that it was just a dirty, worthless falling apart piece of junk. I am not a bartender, but I am sitting at the bar with my friend who is tending bar. She just said that besides all of the typical fights ending with people losing teeth, the craziest thing she's ever heard was a guy tell another guy, "I can tell you that guy is a faggot because his dick tastes like shit!

One of the funniest things I heard behind the bar was, "You gonna take a salad before I toss your shower? She didn't remember that she said it or who she said it to the next day. She said it to some random that never came back for some reason. They've had their kids there since 8ish and we had live music. They clap along, like it and kids put their heads down on the table with coats for pillows - obviously exhausted.

Parents continue to party not at the bar, at a table, dumb waitress continues to give them booze. At 10pm we convert to a bar, to table service and I kick them the fuck out - they wake their kids up and storm out.

Ex-marine bartender working with me grabs the brass beer taps on either side of him, and uses them to lift and hurdle the bar in one smooth motion, like olympic vaulting over the bar, and clotheslines pottymouth in the process. Punches him a couple times and drags him to the door. We both pick him up and throw him out the door which had stairs. He calls us names and bleeds out the front door.

Also sprayed the entire bar with champagne at midnight - good times. Worst shot ever taken we were bored and had a nasty shot contest: Microwaved house Juarez silver tequila, snort the salt, take the shot, lime juice in the eye.

Worst shot ever served: Hippy comes in at closing. The journal of hilarious notes that guys write to the hot female co-workers. Poems were classics too. Best prank pulled on me: I obliviously wore a sign that said "Cowboys butts drive me nuts" on my back during the dinner rush. Worst shot served besides bar-mat, rail tequila and mayo microwaved for 15 sec. House whiskey and a pinch of saw dust - George Washington's Teeth.

You're supposed to drink it with your teeth clenched and suck it through so you end up with the sawdust in your teeth. I have worked for the past 9 years as a bartender in the only strip club in a college town. I have some crazy I mean crazy stories. I've worked every job here accept doorman because I honestly don't like being punched not even a little. I have bartender stories too is you want them. But this happened while I was a working a DJ shift and I think this one is near the top for crazy.

We often get bachelor parties in and for a fee we get them up on the stage and 4 girls basically humiliate the guy for the entire runtime of Girls, Girls, Girls by Motley Crue 5: They do stuff like run across the stage and jump onto their laps and slam into them really hard, while I say cheesy shit like "Let's give it up for Derp's last night of freedom.

It ends with the guy on his hands and knees getting his underwear torn off basically wedgie style then he gets a T-shirt for his troubles.

S, not a bad deal if your the kind of douche who really likes seeing your best friend in humiliating pain. Well one night we had a couple in that were getting married the very next day. The bridesmaid came up with the brilliant idea of getting them both up on stage at the same time. I had already slotted the dance for the next set since the grooms party had arrived much earlier, and I had never done this before but hey what the hell it will free up another slot and we make double for the same amount of time so Profit.

What I don't know is that the groom is fucking hammered, head bobbing, doesn't know where he is. Normally my doorman who puts the chair up on the stage would give me a heads up before we started but in the rush to add the bride I didn't get the signal.

I have to find four more girls to go up who aren't already giving lap dances, or yelling on their phone, or smoking, or crying, or beating the shit out of another dancer. Everything is fine for the first part of the song. The girls are being really nice to the bride and doing the same old shit to drunken groom.

When they go to get the guy on his hands and knees he freaks the fuck out. He grabs the nearest dancer's ankle in both hands, and tries to Idk it's kind of hard to describe. He like lifted her leg up, tripping her and causing her to fall and at the same time he jumped to his feet.

Then he tried like snapping her leg like a tree branch. It was fucking crazy. The doorman tackles him off the stage grabs him up by the back of his shirt and drags him out the door. Both wedding parties rush out the after them. The groom is just crazy he's screaming and throwing punches wildly. He only connects once though. I'll give you one guess as too whom he smote That's right, his wife to be.

Right in front of her Father who was in his bachelor party. And it was a solid hit too, her eye was going to be black no doubt. And then it was on, yelling and screaming, shoving.

I never found out the outcome but if those kids actually got married I would be shocked. I have always regretted my involvement in that, I don't feel blame just shame. Encouraged by our trashy DJ of the night, he convinces two women to perform an amateur strip tease.

Mind you one of these women is a 50 year old piece of trailer trash meth mouth wearing a tank top airbrushed simply with the word "Foxy". The other girl might as well be the Scumbag Stacy meme. Clearly Scumbag Stacy is winning the kudos of the drunk masses, so not to be outdone, "Foxy" tries to up the ante and win the crowd's approval by stripping out of her jorts Jean shorts and saggy panties, popping out her blood clotted panty liner along the way.

Much to the horror of the patrons, she spends the next several minutes humping the wooden floor to Usher. Shocks, gasps, laughter, and awkward stares, and disbelief fill the bar. It's like watching an Arby's sandwich trying to escape from wounded harbor seal. When the song stops, "Foxy" has a brief instance of the realization of her actions, but is too out of her mind on pills, drugs, booze to put any form of clothing to cover her from the waist down.

Her equally as trashy man and to chase her around the bar trying to get her to put at least some of her clothes back on. I am 5'3 and and 93lbs of fury and as the only female bartender at my job took a drunken 5'7 self proclaimed "latin king" out front on a cigarette break and beat the shit out of him after grabbing me and calling me a cunt for refusing to serve him after entering shipwrecked.

I have never before hit anyone out of anger, but it felt damn good. For clarification, this was after my drunken boss refused to turn down any form of cash, regardless of how disrespectful. I was working one sunday as the only competent fucking server i bar tended nights in the building and my bartender was at the bar.

We had a full house never happens tons of regulars at the bar and tons of religious people at the tables. We were just chillin, hung over and finally finished working our asses off as the rush was subsiding. My bartender - lets call him Chez, comes to me and says "That shifty guy at the bar keeps asking where the nearest hospital is, can you look it up on your phone? A couple from one of the hi-tops comes over and tells us that they are leaving and to tab them out.

Chez goes to tab them out, and they tell me the guy we were talking to was muttering to himself about a bomb. Motherfucker had a huge backpack on with cellophane sticking out the top. This seems like it could be legit. I tell Chez, and he goes to get the manager. The manager comes over and is like.. We all agree we better call the fuckin po-pos. We do, tell them whats up, and wait. The guy just stands there muttering to himself as we freak the fuck out.

Finally, he gets up to leave. As he walks across the street to the hotel next door, cops finally roll up. They come in and we tell them where he went. In about 15 second flat the hotel is surrounded, and roped off. News crews showed up about 7 minutes later. Now, with this shit going on and the street closed off, all the people from the hotel come over and chill at the bar.

The place was packed thanks bomb guy for all the cash flow, btw. I found out later the cops apprehended the mental patient dude and did find a home made bomb on his person. I tried to find a news story on it, but I couldn't. The hotel was a Viscount Suite in tucson. Shady guy walks into bar. Bar staff potentially save a hospital from being blown up.

I worked a in small lounge 80ppl with only one other bartender and one door guy. Busy Friday night comes, DJ is playing to the crowd with old-school hip-hop, so everyone is dancing. In walks four, very drunk wanksters, with a very tall albeit pretty tranny.

Now they all start dancing immediately, and being a small place it's not hard to miss the 6-foot girl in a silver sequin tube dress. So of course one of my poor little drunk old bar-flies sees her and decides to dance with her, while her entourage drinks their Adios'; they don't seem to mind, and she's loving the attention.

Meanwhile, us behind the bar can't warn him cause we're slammed and can only watch as she proceeds to grind on him, give him a lap dance, and finally he thinks it's his lucky night as he lays down on the dance floor.

Before anyone can say anything she grinds all the way up till she's just above his face; and that's when the poor bastard met frank and the boys, and we all lost our shit behind the bar.

He jumps up, knocking her into a table, and before you could blink the entourage wants to know why he's "disrespecting her like that". They all get into it enough that we drag them all outside. I worked in a nightclub and on a night off, after we shut the bar down there was 8 staff members left and we all got smashed. One things leads to another and suddenly two of my female co-workers are on top of the bar, making out, undressing each other and eventually ing on the bar.

One of the two chicks is so intoxicated she ends up heading to the bathroom to spew her guts up. The other one starts stripping for the 6 of us that are left. Someone has the brilliant idea to shout out to her "You should bottle yourself" and her, being the ever classy 18 year old she is, responds "I'll do it for 50 bucks". She pulls it out, starts drinking it, and starts vomiting all over herself mere moments later. Working at a college bar for over a year, you'd think I'd have some crazy stories.

But, it's always drunk "bros" fighting each other for no reason. Ok I have a few. This was in a classic australian Tavern in the remote northwest. Mining town with a high proportion of FIFO workers. Owned by my parents, mismanaged by y. One afternoon I was working the drivethrough bottleshop, when a shifty looking gentlemen comes in, and asks me for a top shelf bottle, which was behind the counter.

I normally kept a 6D maglite underneath the counter for such occurences, but this time it was missing, so I grabbed the closest thing, a 1. Hurtling over the counter and through the door, I spy the miscreant running across the carpark, spilling coin in a trail behind him. His target - the local park, where I guess he thought he'd lose me? More likely his buddies were waiting in the shrubbery So I'm out of shape, and not gaining on him.

He'd be 20 feet away, and I throw this lemonade bottle overhand, mid-stride, directly at the back of his head. The prick falls down like a sack of shit, and I expressed some of my dissatisfaction through physical means until a kindly gentleman spared him by removing me. Not an unusual occurrence. I was 20 and didn't understand about patches and such.

They were amused by me, and we did get along very well after that. We'd get them almost every year, and the police would come and ensure we were closed on a yellow alert.

So I'd close up, turn everything off, wait for the cops to leave, then ring some friends. The horse races kept going in the rest of the country, so we'd just shut the blinds and open the bar up, betting and cooking chicken parmas and chips.

And so much beer. We turned the bar into a topless bar on one side, a shift at lunchtime and a shift from hehe. So I'm working at a bar in Melbourne, Australia, which has a pretty chill vibe during the week, cheap pizza, full of uni students, cool DJs, movie nights ect. On Saturday night however it the vibe shifts to club mode and fills up with what I call raptorsluts girls in short dresses who look like t-rexs cause of their heels and turbos 'roided up dudes in pink v neck t shirts two sizes too small.

So this one raptorslut is there for her birthday wearing one of those dumb "21 today" badges and telling the DJ to play idiot songs and the bar tenders to give her free drinks and just generally acting like thrush. She gets more and more obnoxious as the night goes on, and drunker and drunker and drunker.

I tell her that she has been cut off from the bar but we will let her stay and party as long as she doesn't consume any more alcohol. As always the idiot seems to think we don't have cameras and a security crew so she continues to drink friends drinks because she is outside of my field of vision.

Security go over to escort her out, she turns into mega bitch, "i haven't done anything wrong, this is illegal, my dad is a cop, my cousins will fuck you up", what ever her little pea brain can come up with, thinking that we'll go, "oh!

So she is carried out with her boyfriend in tow profusely apologising to us and wanders off to try and get in somewhere else. The wallpaper is a picture to this bitch and her BF, no passcode lock.

We finish cleaning and sit down for beers and decide to go through the phone, which is full pics and vids of her and her BF. Him walking into a room dressed as a woman making his skirt sway with his boner, the funniest dirty talk I have ever heard and just generally shit you would not record on your phone and then not have a passcode.

Mama is gonna be sooooo proud. Hope your phone bill isn't tooooo big!!! We didnt actually send them, but liked the thought of making the bitch sweat until she could call the venue at midday the next day.

She came in to collect it and we simply explained that we found it switched off under a couch. TL;DR Bitch is out of control rude all night, leaves phone at bar, we msg her BFs number dirty pics of the two of them telling him that everyone in her contacts list has been sent them.

I'm a fairly young bartender 21 and working my way through college , so my story repertoire is fairly limited, but when my friends ask I always tell this one:. One Saturday as we were getting busy a gargantuan black person walks into the bar with long blonde hair, long pink fingernails, big gold earrings and a short tight black dress. She saunters up to the bar and the crowd seems to part before her, except for one very drunk overweight gentleman.

She wraps her arms around him, picks him up, and lifts him out of her way. The guy was so surprised that he just stared, and left. She proceeds to order, almost in a whisper.

I can't hear or read her lips beneath the blonde weave, so I lean in closer. I go closer and turn my ear toward her. She begins to lick and suck my earlobe like it's a jolly rancher, and not the disgusting sour apple. Then she hands me 20, says sex on the beach, and in a throaty, hoarse, and incredibly deep voice says "keep the change". My favorite bartending story involves a lobster and two soldiers. I was working one slow Monday and two gentlemen in their uniforms walk in with a bag and sit down.

They already seem kind of tipsy, and the one with the bag proceeds to pull out a stick of garlic butter and put it on the bar. Next, the other solider pulls out a live lobster and sticks it next to the butter. I am working alone, so i quickly grab a newspaper and stick it under the lobster so it doesnt get all over the bar. They decide its probably time to go when the other customers start making a fuss. Put it back in the bag, and the one carrying the bag proceeds to slip and crash down on the bag.

Last I heard, they went to the bar next door and the lobster escaped under a cooler. I hope he is doing alright. I work at a high volume bar in Manhattan. One night behind the bar I had this one girl who was very "enthusiastic". After a few drinks, she left her number on a cocktail napkin. A couple more and she actually pulled me across the bar to make out with me. Apparently she had a boyfriend though, and he saw.

It almost got violent until I offered to make him a few free drinks. Apparently his girlfriend was just trying to make him jealous. That I was able to essentially buy a kiss with just one drink made her pretty upset.

So threw a glass across the room at us. She missed though, and security had her out the door before she could throw another.

But her boyfriend was a nice guy. We got pretty drunk, and kept drinking at the bar after we closed up. Now he's a good friend of mine.

Tl;dr - Make out with strange girl while bartending, bribe her boyfriend with booze, she throws a glass at us and now the boyfriend and I are good friends. I was tending bar on a Sunday night. We usually called last call around I had the bar clean and ready to close by There was a handful of regulars at the bar, and my ex-girlfriend from high school was in town--she had stopped in for a drink. Other than the customers, myself, and my occasional-friends-with-benefits manager, the place was empty.

I had called last call and was settling up tabs when I heard a strange hissing coming from the front door. I looked up to see a huge white cloud advancing toward the bar. I wasn't sure what had happened, but my first thought was that the place was on fire, so I had everyone evacuate to the front patio. Once outside, we could tell that there was no fire, but we were still unsure what had happened.

After a few minutes, the "smoke" settled, and it was apparent that some punk had sprayed a fire extinguisher into the bar from outside. At this point, all the customers had settled up, so they began to leave. This left me, my ex, and the manager. When we re-entered the bar, it was a disaster. There was white chemical residue on everything. Every single piece of glassware. Every surface and all the bar utensils. Everything was covered in it. It looked like we weren't going to leave early that night, after all.

My ex had been tending bar for some time at a corporate place upstate, so she stayed with us to help with the cleanup. We burned all the ice, took down all the glasses, tossed all the condiments. Everything had to be washed and restocked. This was a shitty undertaking, to say the least.

I had had plans to hang out with my ex and catch up, but those had gone out the window. I must say, we did get drunk. Now, there wasn't much room behind the bar--I imagine most are similar.

Working and drinking in such close proximity, combined with a sense of camaraderie from all working together to get us out of there sooner, made for some serious sexual tension.

I can't remember who started it, but soon we were all making out: In retrospect, this was probably my ex's initiative. It was this weird set of circumstances where we would sort of tag team each other while someone else continued to work. As the night wore on, less and less work got done, and clothes began to be shed.

Both of these women are gorgeous, by the way. Eventually, we decided that the job was done, but we weren't yet done with each other, so we caught a cab and checked into a motel. The fun continued to escalate from there until we were all passed out naked on top of each other.

The next morning, we realized a couple of things: So, we took a cab back to the bar to survey the aftermath of the night. The cab driver on the way back seemed not at all displeased that one of the girls was missing a shirt. I can only imagine the kind of impression we must have left with the driver who took us to the motel the night before. I went in by myself out of some misguided attempt to be chivalrous in case the general manager and a.

We had actually, somehow, cleaned everything that needed cleaning. The only gripe the morning bartender had was that he had so much ice to restock since we had burned it all the night before. I explained it all to her, and she was pretty understanding. I looked at her square in the eye and said, "Wouldn't you have had a few drinks if you had to stay here all night cleaning up that mess?

After I was out from under their scrutiny, I went about trying to find the missing articles of clothing. It didn't take long--someone had folded them and placed them in the cupboard under the cocktail waitress station. I can only imagine that the early morning crew that came in to vacuum and mop found them strewn about and put them in there. And that was that. We said our goodbyes and parted ways. TL;DR - Someone sprayed a fire extinguisher into the bar.

We had to stay late to clean it all up. I've also seen a guy light a shot and then spill the burning liquid all over himself. I have seen a gang fight and some police brutality, and an epic power spew. The power spew was perfectly executed and beautiful to watch.

It was from a guy running to a car in order to get a lift from someone waiting in the car park. On his way to the car he passed a garden, turned his head slightly, spewed whilst maintaining full speed and composure , continued running and then jumped into the car as if nothing had happened.

Bartending in a college town during sports playoffs. The place was packed to the brim with half drunk college kids bitching about how their team lost. While serving, I noticed that the road was suddenly full of students, blocking off traffic and just being generally stupid. Everybody needs to get out. We finish up and step outside. It was then I realized that I wasn't standing in a cloud of fog, and that there were students on the ground, being pulled out by friends and riot police with giant cans of pepper spray just going nuts on everybody on the street.

Holy crap, this fog is tear gas! I grabbed my friend and got the hell out of there as fast as I could drag him. Got hit with a pepper-ball shot from a paintball gun for my trouble. Not a fun night in general. The bar I used to work in once had the after-party for an Amy Winehouse gig, her and all of her entourage came along.

It was pretty cool. Anyway, at the end of the night, about half n' hour after we'd got everyone out I start to go round the tables - wiping them down and clearing all the crap off 'em. In one section that Amy and her entourage had reserved for the night, I hear sniffling like someone's crying I look further and notice Amy Winehouse is curled up under a table and crying. I had to nudge her with my foot and go 'Excuse me miss winehouse It's time to leave.. Me browsing this ask reddit, "please none of these be about me, please none of these be about me.

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She says we have to kick them out. I thought maybe they got in a fight with someone or something, so I asked her what happened.

That's right, not one guy and a girlfriend, the two guys. I guess she had been standing beside the door when a customer opened the door and everyone got an eyeful. We had single occupancy bathrooms, with a damn lock! The girlfriends had been sitting at the table the whole time, unaware as far as I know.

When we went to ask them to leave they were already gone. When the other waitress told me we both had a good chuckle and were glad they were already gone so we didn't have to do anything about it. I had to break them up by spraying water on them from the drink gun while telling them that they were all beautiful in their own way but if they didn't sit the fuck down I was gonna kick the shit out of them.

I also work at an Irish Pub in the Netherlands and we have slot machines. Our regulars spend a lot of money on them. When I first started working there almost a year ago there was a female regular so caught up in the machine that she didn't want to stop and take a bathroom break.

Keep in mind that it was a quiet afternoon and the only ones there were her and some other regulars, so she would not have to be afraid of losing her spot. So she proceeded to urinate on the stool she was sitting on. So we kicked her and the stool out, got a new stool and I personally never saw her in the pub again. Funny how people don't realize that the first pull has the same chance of winning as the th. OK, the house can control the payout, but there machines with certain percentage "guaranteed payouts".

This is a sad and horrible story. Bartending one night I had a group of younger kids near 21 come in. I recognized the girl from a mutual friend we shared. Her man introduced himself as "Satan" and proceeded to be an ass the entire night. Finally I had to put him out. He was being verbally abusive to his girl and others.

He refused to pay I confronted and was He actually lowered his head and handed me his entire wallet. I refused to touch his wallet got his girl to pull the money out. Apparantly super upset from me "putting him in his place" he was snapping on his girlfriend to the point where she came back inside and asked me and others to keep him away from her. Because she knew me she asked if she could leave with me.

I told her it wasn't a good idea for many reasons. But I let her stay until she got a ride to pick her up I didn't find out until the next day when my boss called me asking me to come in The police wanted to speak to me. He effin killed that girl. He stabbed her through the torso with a decorative katana. And my understanding is he claimed in wrestling the katana from her, yada yada, basically plead to some petty manslaughter get out in 2 years type of bullshit.

I told the police everything I could to get him put away. His aggressive demeanor, verbal abuse to her, threatening me. I'll always wonder if maybe me standing up to him triggered some crazy response in him. It was a waste. And that's the story about when I met Satan.

I wish I knew it all so I could put him on blast. Not your fault man. For all you know your intervention could have stopped him from hurting even more people. Don't blame yourself, a million things could have happened. I was working the night of the Grey Cup game Canada's Superbowl , it was a super busy night the Riders were playing so the place was PACKED and I shit you not during half time this huge bastard walks in wearing giant sunglasses, a trench coat and a hard hat, drunk as fuck.

I watch him take a step towards the bar and he stops dead and just stands there for a few seconds. All of a sudden he opens his coat and pulls out this giant fucking salami, takes a bite, yells "fuck ya! Was bartending at a family owned Tex-Mex place in New Hampshire. A coworker and I were chatting about something on the news and I said "Yeah, at least it's not Russia!

She then started regaling the entire bar with stories of the Soviet glory days, babbling on in a crazy Bond villain accent about how great everything used to be. We then noticed that she'd peed all over the stool. I worked in a very high volume cocktail bar, one night around xmas there was a DJ playing pumping big band swing.

This was in the UK so everyone was fucking annihilated. There was this really hammered dwarf who would repeatedly stagger over to the bar, get a bartender to lean all the way over to hear him and then whisper, "I'm sorry I'm a little drunk" before exploding with laughter and then staggering back to the dance floor. I can think of crazier stories but this one stands out as one of the funniest scenes. I am not a bartender but security but this just happened the other night So we are closing up the joint and this crazy lady who has been talking to herself and cursing for the last half hour decides to go into the bathroom.

She is in there for maybe 8 minutes and we are trying to get everyone out so we make her come out. She finally leaves the bathroom and this dude gives her a little bit of shit about hogging the one bathroom the ladies room was out of service so we were down to 1 She proceeds to start screaming every curse word I can think of at this guy, and while she is yelling at him she just starts pissing her pants. Well she finishes pissing and we push her out the door, and then she comes around knocking on the windows and flipping people off.

She looks at me, blows me a kiss and I bow in return, and then she goes back to flipping everyone else off. A girl who was with the guy goes "What is she saying? If she pissed her pants right after she left the bathroom, what the crap was she doing while she was inside? I used to work at a horse racing track, the place was over a hundred years old and had all sorts or weird corridors and cheap walls. All of a sudden I hear BAM!!!! And yes, he was apprehended by security and arrested.

Bartending at an Indian restaurant just outside of DC. Big bar, not many people ever come to the actual bar, simply go straight to dinner. But one woman sits at the bar and looks at our appetizer menu. She asks if there's anything that isn't spicy because apparently she had just come from surgery where a portion of her tongue was removed. I pointed out the most bland thing, and put in an order while she ordered a vodka tonic. When the order comes out, she eats a few bites and proceeds to sweat profusely.

She runs to the bathroom repeatedly and is freaking out all the while asking for multiple vodka tonics. After our owner came out and apologized, he offered to take chicken and have it cooked in bland yogurt.

He gave her the drinks for free and the specially made chicken as well. She then freaked out a little further when he left, saying she would take it and feed it to her dog and asked for one more vodka tonic before she left. Either she was seriously crazy, or deviously smart. Who comes to an Indian restaurant after having a portion of your tongue removed and sensitivity to spices?

I've been raised in the hospitality industry in Australia, my family have owned and run hotels and bars since well before I was born. Needless to say I have seen some pretty incredible shit in my time, but by far the best was watching my mother all 5'7" of her come out from behind the bar to grab two brawling bikies by their beards, twist the hair in her fists till their eyes watered and they stopped punching on, and then demand that they each took a bar stool and sit in opposite corners of the bar or she would, and I quote directly, "give them a fucking hiding that their mothers would be proud to witness.

At this point I'm figuring that I'll be burying my mother the next day unless I do something, so I grab hold of the baseball bat we keep under the bar and go to launch myself over the counter when, to the surprise of everyone in the pub, these hard ass bikies do exactly as they're told and don't move until my mother tells them to get up, shake hands and buy each other a beer I used to be a cart girl when I was in university so I had to put up with some huge creeps who thought I liked being hit-on by old men.

The worst was during a tournament that was put on for police officers not sure what division it was , one jack-ass totally crossed the line. I usually drive by and ask the golfers if I could get them anything and one cop said "yea, a blow-job". I was so furious that I snapped "well I'm sure one of your buddies wouldn't mind doing that for you" and drove off.

I told the other cart girls to avoid them for the rest of the day, don't piss off the people who are getting you drinks. My philosophy''s always been "don't fuck with the guy making your drinks, making your food, or fixing your car. And I worked at a hotel with a golf course, and I was in the banquet department. MY manager went to one of the girls who worked in our department and asked her if she wanted to sell beer on the course the next day.

She couldn't but I volunteered, it was an easy way to make money. He looked at me like I was retarded and just said no. I'm a 6'1" guy. I figured it out once I saw her with the wad of cash. I've been at my bar for about 5 years now. It's a little dive bar in Sacramento, CA. We sling some great drinks and have a blast. About a year after I had started working there I was about 22 three good looking girls come in to the bar and sit down. All three of them were probably at least a solid 7.

After about rounds, they start talking about anal with their significant others. It was almost a stereotypical conversation. One girl tried it and hated it, one girl was still uneasy about it. LOVED it so much that she told a story about how her and her dude were in Macy's after some afternoon delight.

I was pouring a draft beer at the time, trying my hardest not to make it blatantly obvious that I was listening to every word they were saying. The story went on about how they were downstairs of Macy's when the girl had to let out a little fart. So much that she had to rush to the bathroom. To this day, the story has burnt a hole in my soul.

I now manage a bar right outside DC where I've bartended for at least 5 years. Some of these didn't happen to me personally, but to a coworker:. Naked man comes in, asks for drink. The bartender calls the police. Police come, cuff him, wrap him in newspaper because he had shat himself, and carry him away. Our 18 year old, fresh-faced busser still has braces gets a bj in the bathroom at our closed holiday party by a something semi-regular who somehow managed to get in.

Three times in the next week she comes in saying "Seth owes me money. I ban her then next time I see her. Semi-regular drops a bag with a good amount of weed in it. Once we close, a server finds it and puts it in the safe for me. Guy comes back the next day wondering if "um, anyone found, you know Guy tries to get server's attention by poking her with a fingernail file. Bartender boots him with extreme prejudice. Guy comes back later that week and the same bartender was working.

Bartender asks him what the fuck he thinks he's doing there and guy rears back and pokes the bartender in the eye as hard as he can. Not a he-tried-to-hit-him-but-accidentally-poked-him poke, but a I'm-gonna-poke-you-in-the-eye-like-I've-done-thistimes-before poke. Apparently eye-poking is all in the elbow. Cops cart him off and server and bartender eventually testify against him in court. They finally settle on long island ice teas.

She gladly pays, downs the sink water, and leaves. Bartender shatters a pint glass and manages to get multiple cuts on both hands. There's no back up and it's too many cuts for bandaids. He puts latex gloves on, duct-tapes them around his wrists, and bartends with the gloves slowly filling with blood for a couple of hours. Number six there, Glove Guy? That is a guy I want working for me. That's some motherfucking dedication. She came in every night for two weeks straight to figure out my schedule.

She was in her early forties, dirty blonde, shoulder length hair and hid her sunken eyes behind large, plastic rimmed glasses. She made it very well known that she was sexually attracted to me. For example, after many shots of Goldshlager and Berringer white zinfandel, she would often offer to give me blowjobs The other regulars soon and easily caught on and it became a sad joke. Each time I would politely decline, crack a witty joke and move on with my business.

This went on for close to six months. Every time I worked Seductively licking her cracked lips and shouting innuendo.

I began to get quite perturbed. So, I start giving it back to her. Telling her I wanted it but was afraid I would get in trouble. The regulars started in on her too. When I would go grab stock, or food for a patron, the regulars would tell her I was really in to her but was nervous of the age difference. I was 23 at the time.

As did my last night. My stalker obviously knew. On my last night, she came in dressed up in her sexiest outfit. She quickly got hammered and the floodgate of come-ons rolled off her tongue with halitosis quickly following.

She began loudly begging, "Please just let me suck your cock! I told her within earshot of my regulars that I was going to go out back for a smoke break and we could do it there. Only there was an embarrassing issue holding me back. I said, "This is really embarrassing, but the only way I am able to get hard is if I shit Obviously, the rest of the bar simultaneously gasped and sat waiting on my reply. She hadn't finished her sentence before I had pulled out a container of plastic wrap and said, "I had Mexican for lunch so it's a good thing this is industrial.

The roar of cheers and laughter wrang through the bar as I continued by telling her, "Get ready and I'll meet ya out back in 5. After about 20 minutes, she game back inside with a wad of industrial plastic wrap in her hand and a face full of utter disappointment and belted out, "I thought you were gonna come out back and shit on my chest!?! By this time, most of the rest of the staff had come to bare witness to this, the unbelievable yet hilarious meltdown. I went up to her and planted a big smacking kiss on her lips and thanked her for the best, last night I could ever asked for.

I bought the bar a round of Goldshlager in dedication to my most dedicated regular. I still visit that bar every time I'm in town and sometimes run into her. Each time I buy her I do have one good one though. I was working, and we do get a lot of good looking ladies in the bar during summertime. It's warm out and it's by the beach so many are scantily clad, and are often sharking.

One time that stands out to me you'll see why is when this extremely hot girl kept hitting on me while I was working. I was absolutely considering trying to tap that when I got off my shift if she was still around. Anyway, she ends up getting pretty trashed She steps up the game. She starts getting kinda freaky, all the while I'm pretty busy serving.

Eventually she's had enough of me not focusing all of my attention on her, and she steps behind the bar. So, admittedly, I'm stoked, thinking that I'm gonna see some boobs or something. Instead she lifts the front of her skirt, to show me the other goods. This is definitely a first. I'd been flashed a bunch at work, but never this, and I'm a bit worried that she's doing something that'll get her kicked out.

I tell her to stop! She doesn't listen, and I have no idea whether this was intentional or not. My initial reaction was to stand there blankly contemplating what just happened.

Then I burst out laughing so hard, and a few others around the bar did too lots of people wanted a look as well. This infuriated her for one of two possible reasons. Or 2 She didn't realize that she queefed and she thought I was laughing hysterically at her vajayjay. Her response was to flip me and the rest of the bar off, and walk outside, light a cig, and puke on the curb. Hahahaha I misinterpreted 'sharking' as Shark Week, like you had a high population of female patrons on the rag.

I was reading in utter horror until I realized what you actually meant! I don't know a man on earth that deserves to know that his wife once offered up her chest for a pile of another man's feces. I used to bounce at a western bar when I was about 25, in grad school. I guess I was a bit of a shitty bouncer, because I was nice to people, and smiled at them until things went south.

But with a drunk, older woman, an innocent smile is all it takes. I imagine most young, reasonably attractive women have to deal with this sort of thing all the time, from older men. Being propositioned is great, but some of these drunken western women would practically attack me, or ambush me in a hallway.

Then inevitably comes the "woman scorned" thing, when I'd reject them. They would get pissed off, then yell and curse, and punch. It's the same thing to reject a drunk woman's advance as to call a drunk man a fucking asshole.

Once a woman who reminded me of my mom smacked me bang in the nose. To this day I avoid western bars. I had a brief stint as a bouncer at the little bear up in Evergreen, CO.

One night the band is getting the crowd all worked up, and some ladies get up to dance with the band. I suppose they're feeling confident and start a strip tease chicken tournament.

Well, all but one leave the stage after baring their breasts, but one gets completely nude, and is dancing for about 10 minutes. Of course this is against health code, and that's trouble, but that crowd was ornery, and I wasn't about to get in the middle of that mess and stop the fun.

Had a nice view on the balcony too. Of course afterwards the other guys were telling all sorts of outrageous stories. We got yelled at the next day, but not one fuck was given. Umm there are two that stick out to me Once a guy tipped me with a coupon for McDicks and that was awesome. But a major thing that I've had to deal with it people stealing shit from the club I work at when they think I'm not looking. One of my co-workers had previously beat up a patron for attempting to steal a tip jar.

He was just like "I honestly didn't even think about it, I just went for him What do I see? Some asshole trying to take one! My co-worker was totally right about acting before thinking because before the guy even knew it, I had squirrel monkey'd over the bar and grabbed this guy. I had my tip jar and was just going at him until the bouncers came and took over.

My boss kept a tip bag out of sight behind the counter to put in the money from the actual tip jars into. Not me but a guy I know worked as a bartender at some hick place. One night a bunch of obviously underaged drunk girls walk into the bar.

However, this is Louisiana so they are allowed alcohol no problem. This one girl starts hitting on this guy the whole night talking about how if she didn't have a boyfriend she would totally bang him. You know, the usual drunk girl speel. Anywho, this girl proceeds to get completely inebriated and starts making moves on this guy. At this point the boyfriend has showed up some meathead looking douche and starts getting pissed at her. They get in a huge fight and the dude storms out of the bar.

She turns to the bartender and says "Well, since I am about to break up with him, whaddya say we hook up? So, in her full stealth mode, she slips behind the bar and gives him head while he is serving drinks. They have been dating for two years now and have a kid together.

All I can think about is what they are going to tell the kid when he asks how they met. The regulars that would come in were generally pretty nice, and even with a large amount of Hells Angels bikers coming in, and the occasional fight, it was actually pretty tame.

One Saturday night there was an absolute prick sitting at the bar. He was in his late 50's, and all night he was hitting on the young under 18 food runners, and bar backs, and just being a general nuisance. The situation only got worse later on that night when he was properly wasted off his fucking ass. I only noticed that he was shit faced when he got off Usually in these situations the best thing to do is just stop serving him and let him find his way home.

Regardless, I didn't really care all too much because I just got to go home early. I walked outside the front door, where there was an outdoor patio area, and the parking lot for the bar. I lit up a cigarette and was checking out a Sweet yellow Testarossa parked right at the entrance, when out of fucking nowhere, the drunk bastard from the bar, keys in hand, trips, falls and smacks his face on the drivers side door of the Ferrari.

Broken nose, blood everywhere, and dirt and rocks all over his face. It turned out it was actually his Ferrari, and the owners of the bar knew him by name. So here's where it gets even funnier. The owners, bouncer, and some people who just saw the incident are helping him, I see my manager calling his wife to come pick him up. Five minutes later and he's in his wife's minivan going home to the kids. Drunk idiot faceplants into his ferrari, and gets his wife to come pick him up.

The guy's a clod, but I remember seeing some interview wherein a Ferrari higher-up said that yellow was the original "official" Ferrari color. I work in fine dining. You know, the guy with the vest and the garter?

Meanwhile, two scumbag Steve's I mean as ghetto looking as white boys an look walk into my bar and ask what cognacs we have. Dude says, "yeah, man, ain't shit. Remember the guy sitting alone? H is making fun of them the whole time. Then the rich guy that was sitting alone decides to pay. His credit card is denied. Dude runs out the bar as soon as my back is turned.

I forgot to include the fact that I had to pay the house 3. Kind of like a hairstylist. The people I worked for at the time gave not one fuck and the lack of tip is always deemed lack of service.

I am a straight male bartender and the other guy working with me behind the bar was a flamboyantly gay friend of mine. We worked at a Bar down by the waterfront of Toronto and every summer there's a festival called Caribana that goes on down there. The whole Caribbean community from the city and a lot of visitors from the states come up to celebrate and I don't have to tell you that not everyone in the Caribbean community is very friendly to gay people.

Anyways at some point in the evening my buddy is serving this giant guy who clearly has a problem with him. He takes a sip of his drink and flips out about how the "faggot" doesn't know how to pour a rum and coke and he's chincin him on the rum and starts tossing out a bunch of slurs.

To put it in perspective this man who is now flipping right the fuck out is bigger than most of our security and if it comes down to it there will be a huge fight with him and his friends to break up the situation. So as things start to get heated I step in and tell the man I'll take care of him. So I grab a training bottle from the back of our bar A 26 of rum that is actually filled with water to practice free pours and stuff if you need too and start long pouring him "rum" and cokes.

I be sure to squeeze in at least two limes to try and mask the taste of a watered down coke and hand it over. I joked around with him a little bit and he came back about six times. He even started to act a little drunk and would tip me. But here's the best part. At the end of the night when my friend and I talked about it, he thanked me for trying to calm this guy down but said we probably should've went the security route instead. I handed him 36 bucks. We hugged and remain bros.

Told him it was rum and coke. Made 36 bucks by pocketing all the money every time he came back. It was Black Friday in Britain. As a foreign student in the country, I initially had no idea what that meant. The other bartenders warned me that it was going to be a rough shift because Black Friday in Britain is the Friday before Christmas when most offices have their annual Christmas parties and a lot of people who didn't normally drink much would be drinking that day.

Sure enough, it was the busiest night I'd ever worked there and it was also the only night that I witnessed a brawl in this normally calm old English pub. We even had to call the cops to break up the fight. Finally, the long and tiring shift came to a close and as the over-crowded bar started emptying out, the other bartenders and I suddenly noticed that there was a drunk woman sitting at a table by herself, completely passed out.

This was normally a quiet bar where we could keep an eye on all patrons and ensure that no one was that drunk. However, it was such a busy night with so many people ordering drinks that someone was possibly taking drinks to her and we just did not notice her there till very few people were left.

We tried very hard to wake her up by saying that it was time to go and we could call her a cab. There was absolutely no sign of her getting up.

We checked her purse and found an ID. We then had her name and had a possible current address but no cab would drive this woman home in her condition. We continued cleaning up as we talked through possible solutions.

Finally, one bartender found a note with 20 pounds that had been left at the corner of the bar. I dunno about the others, but I was pretty shocked that whoever she was with had just left her there, passed out drunk on her own in a bar.

Two of us volunteered to help - me also an Indian girl and this white British guy. We were all grossed out and screaming because we had pee on us and somehow the combination of peeing and us screaming woke the drunk woman up. Even though the woman had partially woken up and had peed all over everything, the nice bartender girl still agreed to let the woman inside her car because that was still the best way to get this over with — we did not want to leave her on her own.

The drunk woman kept passing out throughout the ride and had no idea what was going on. After we finally got to her apartment block, we checked repeated with the woman to see if this was really her apartment so that we could get her safely to her bed.

Then two of us the other indian girl and I carried the woman to her 2nd floor apartment because she could barely stand up by herself. Anyway, we snapped at her for the statement but dropped her safely on her bed and kept the measely 20 pounds her asshole friends left us.

I was bartending in a sports bar when a customer started getting rather unruly. He was shouting loudly and crudely at women, and pushing his friends around when they tried to control him. The owner of the bar, my boss, came up to him and asked him to leave. The customer was probably 6'4" lbs, and my boss is a 5'4" lb korean dude in his forties with a bad temper.

The big guy tells him to go fuck himself while his smaller friend is in front of him, holding him back. Guy drops like a rock and everyone is stunned. Guy's friends pick him up and they leave, cops eventually come but don't give a shit. I get drunk on Monday nights and frequent an Irish bar, I was really worried this would be a story about me.

As a server at an Irish bar who works Monday's, I can safely say don't worry, we have stories about you. As a person who reads about Irish bars on Mondays, I can safely say don't worry, we can make up stories about you. I'm a bartender in a college town and have a lot of ridiculous stories, but this one takes the cake. My college considered a "football school" and when people tailgate, they go hard.

Like waking up at 4: By the time the game is over at 3pm most people are just shit-faced. The bar I work at also serves mexican food making it popular for said wasted folk. One Saturday evening, in the middle of the dinner rush, a group of drunk or somethings come in to order drinks. The ladies flirt with the male bartenders I'm female , drink their margaritas, then go on to a different bar.

A few hours later I find an ID on the floor and it happened to belong to one of those women so we put it in the bar drawer in case she came back for it. A couple hours pass before one of the ladies not the one whose ID we found comes staggering back into the bar demanding to know where her friend is.

She is borderline hysterical and starting to cause a scene so the male bartenders try to take her aside and calm her down while I take care of making drinks. Suddenly one of the guys starts yelling at the woman, who is now trying to swing at him. He turned all of the lights off, sceamed at everyone to get out, and continued to reason with this woman while other bartender and I close up tabs and get people out.

Cops were called and some guy a husband, I think dragged her out of the bar. Turns out, the woman came in because her friend said she had gone back to get her ID and when she asked for it, the two male bartenders took her downstairs to the office to get it and preceded to gang rape her in the office. In reality, the friend never came back to the bar at all, just completely made up this bullshit story for no reason other than she was black-out drunk remember, these women are around 40 years old.

Two days later, the friend came in sober to see if she left her ID there. Had no recollection of the event. I'm glad it was blown off due to obviously being fake but god damn. I had a customer who asked me to be his permanent mistress, as his wife is chronically ill.

He offered to buy me a house and a car - and pay all the bills, as long as I gave him a boy child heir. This guy I work with is very quiet, but friendly.

Everyone loves him and comes to see him serving drinks. This man is old enough to retire, but chooses to stay because he loves what he does. One night, this man gets too drunk and starts calling him names. Bartender remains not at all phased. In one fucking leap, the bartender jumps about 5 feet into the air and on top of the bar. He used his fucking 60 year old legs. He then jumps off the bar and says to the drunk man, "You can call me old.

You can call me ugly. But don't you EVER talk about my mother that way. We never saw that drunk man again. My guess is he went to therapy after realizing he confronted old Superman in a bar Frequently minor celebrities will come eat dinner at this restaurant.

One night a particular older brunette bimbo comes in. She's going through a divorce and is in to have a "good time. She precedes to get more drunk. It's past closing and she has fallen asleep in one of the booths. The bartender and the owner drive her home. The bartender starts laughing and so does the owner.

They end up dropping the lady and chasing the dogs down for her. I had this regular customer in a little town bar who is sort of a sad sack - 45 years old, lives with his mom and dad still, is probably functionally retarded as far as his IQ goes. Anyway, one stormy night he comes wandering in and tells me it's his birthday and said his mom "let me use her car since it's my birthday. The lightning outside is flashing, silhouetting her maniacal frame in the doorway.

Her voice is as loud as a bull horn. The lone dude in the bar and I were slack-jawed. It was like a bad movie. Doug was now hiding in the men's room and pretending not to hear me screaming at him to come out and deal with his mother. He stayed in there for easily 5 minutes more while his mother ripped me an asshole.

I finally had to threaten the old bag with the police to calm her down. The whole thing was like a David Lynch movie. I had a regular. He had had a tracheotomy, and wore a scarf to cover the hole in his throat. He spoke with a 'voice box' or as the other patrons called it, the "Cancer Kazoo. He drank Pauliner Weiss, with a lemon. He was a large man, and could drink 7 or 8 before showing signs of drunkenness.

And that, of course, is when the fun started. The first sign was he would quiet down for a while I was often amazed at the power of his voice boxes' battery, that dude could talk. Then he would start to lecture me about my smoking this was in the early 90's, when you could smoke in bars. And then I would start to ignore him. I learned soon enough that if I ignored him long enough, he would leave. It was time for him to go anyway, because he was drunk. Then one day, after he was drunk and I had begun the not-so-subtle step of ignoring him to make him go away, I hear this loud buzzer.

It sounded like a frigging cow getting electro-shock therapy. I look down the bar at the direction of the sound, and there is my friend, wearing the biggest goddamned shit-eating grin you have ever seen. He had gotten a new 'voice box'. This one had a buzzer. A very fucking annoying buzzer. I had to actually start cutting him off when he used it Fortunately, I moved on to a career in my field of study shortly after this, so only had to suffer this sound for a few weeks.

I apologize for the misstatement I wored on a hotel bar most weekends, usually covering weddings in the HUGE ballroom. He comes up to order a drink, and slurrs out an order for 2 beers.

I say he can't have anymore. He says "Fuck this, I don't need this shit", and bails out of the ballroom. He was caught fucking one of the waiters up the ass in the disabled restroom about 15 mins later. The waiter was a very VERY gay man. The other one was less exciting but made me chuckle, at around 4 or 5am a guy who's gotten pretty drunk and tired lays his head down on the corner of the bar, I was tempted to get him taken out but it wasn't long before the end the bar was quiet and he wasn't hurting anyone, next thing I know he's puked on the bar without getting up, raises his head up for a second before planting it back, face first down in his sick, I radio for security to come escort him out but before they get there his friends find him, take photos, shake him awake and take him out, luckily it happened right next to a bin so it didn't take much cleaning.

I worked in a bar that was really shady and had a deadbeat owner, but then I started booking punk shows there and it got to be a really fun spot. One night out of nowhere, two traveling salesmen came in and started into a long night of drinking. Then the bands show up, and all of a sudden it gets really busy but I kept on treating the salesmen really nicely because I think they were enjoying how much they were sticking out, and a lot of other people were enjoying it too. They ended up having a great time and were blown away by the music.

At the end of the night, one of them wanted to take something home as a souvenir. They had an eye on the drink mat. People often commented on it. It had an old style pbr logo on it with the "what'll you have" slogan, but other than that it was just a dirty, worthless falling apart piece of junk.

I am not a bartender, but I am sitting at the bar with my friend who is tending bar. She just said that besides all of the typical fights ending with people losing teeth, the craziest thing she's ever heard was a guy tell another guy, "I can tell you that guy is a faggot because his dick tastes like shit!

One of the funniest things I heard behind the bar was, "You gonna take a salad before I toss your shower? She didn't remember that she said it or who she said it to the next day. She said it to some random that never came back for some reason. They've had their kids there since 8ish and we had live music. They clap along, like it and kids put their heads down on the table with coats for pillows - obviously exhausted. Parents continue to party not at the bar, at a table, dumb waitress continues to give them booze.

At 10pm we convert to a bar, to table service and I kick them the fuck out - they wake their kids up and storm out. Ex-marine bartender working with me grabs the brass beer taps on either side of him, and uses them to lift and hurdle the bar in one smooth motion, like olympic vaulting over the bar, and clotheslines pottymouth in the process.

Punches him a couple times and drags him to the door. We both pick him up and throw him out the door which had stairs. He calls us names and bleeds out the front door. Also sprayed the entire bar with champagne at midnight - good times. Worst shot ever taken we were bored and had a nasty shot contest: Microwaved house Juarez silver tequila, snort the salt, take the shot, lime juice in the eye.

Worst shot ever served: Hippy comes in at closing. The journal of hilarious notes that guys write to the hot female co-workers. Poems were classics too. Best prank pulled on me: I obliviously wore a sign that said "Cowboys butts drive me nuts" on my back during the dinner rush. Worst shot served besides bar-mat, rail tequila and mayo microwaved for 15 sec.

House whiskey and a pinch of saw dust - George Washington's Teeth. You're supposed to drink it with your teeth clenched and suck it through so you end up with the sawdust in your teeth. I have worked for the past 9 years as a bartender in the only strip club in a college town.

I have some crazy I mean crazy stories. I've worked every job here accept doorman because I honestly don't like being punched not even a little. I have bartender stories too is you want them. But this happened while I was a working a DJ shift and I think this one is near the top for crazy. We often get bachelor parties in and for a fee we get them up on the stage and 4 girls basically humiliate the guy for the entire runtime of Girls, Girls, Girls by Motley Crue 5: They do stuff like run across the stage and jump onto their laps and slam into them really hard, while I say cheesy shit like "Let's give it up for Derp's last night of freedom.

It ends with the guy on his hands and knees getting his underwear torn off basically wedgie style then he gets a T-shirt for his troubles. S, not a bad deal if your the kind of douche who really likes seeing your best friend in humiliating pain. Well one night we had a couple in that were getting married the very next day. The bridesmaid came up with the brilliant idea of getting them both up on stage at the same time. I had already slotted the dance for the next set since the grooms party had arrived much earlier, and I had never done this before but hey what the hell it will free up another slot and we make double for the same amount of time so Profit.

What I don't know is that the groom is fucking hammered, head bobbing, doesn't know where he is. Normally my doorman who puts the chair up on the stage would give me a heads up before we started but in the rush to add the bride I didn't get the signal.

I have to find four more girls to go up who aren't already giving lap dances, or yelling on their phone, or smoking, or crying, or beating the shit out of another dancer. Everything is fine for the first part of the song. The girls are being really nice to the bride and doing the same old shit to drunken groom. When they go to get the guy on his hands and knees he freaks the fuck out. He grabs the nearest dancer's ankle in both hands, and tries to Idk it's kind of hard to describe.

He like lifted her leg up, tripping her and causing her to fall and at the same time he jumped to his feet. Then he tried like snapping her leg like a tree branch. It was fucking crazy. The doorman tackles him off the stage grabs him up by the back of his shirt and drags him out the door. Both wedding parties rush out the after them. The groom is just crazy he's screaming and throwing punches wildly.

He only connects once though. I'll give you one guess as too whom he smote That's right, his wife to be. Right in front of her Father who was in his bachelor party.

And it was a solid hit too, her eye was going to be black no doubt. And then it was on, yelling and screaming, shoving. I never found out the outcome but if those kids actually got married I would be shocked. I have always regretted my involvement in that, I don't feel blame just shame. Encouraged by our trashy DJ of the night, he convinces two women to perform an amateur strip tease.

Mind you one of these women is a 50 year old piece of trailer trash meth mouth wearing a tank top airbrushed simply with the word "Foxy". The other girl might as well be the Scumbag Stacy meme. Clearly Scumbag Stacy is winning the kudos of the drunk masses, so not to be outdone, "Foxy" tries to up the ante and win the crowd's approval by stripping out of her jorts Jean shorts and saggy panties, popping out her blood clotted panty liner along the way.

Much to the horror of the patrons, she spends the next several minutes humping the wooden floor to Usher. Shocks, gasps, laughter, and awkward stares, and disbelief fill the bar. It's like watching an Arby's sandwich trying to escape from wounded harbor seal. When the song stops, "Foxy" has a brief instance of the realization of her actions, but is too out of her mind on pills, drugs, booze to put any form of clothing to cover her from the waist down.

Her equally as trashy man and to chase her around the bar trying to get her to put at least some of her clothes back on. I am 5'3 and and 93lbs of fury and as the only female bartender at my job took a drunken 5'7 self proclaimed "latin king" out front on a cigarette break and beat the shit out of him after grabbing me and calling me a cunt for refusing to serve him after entering shipwrecked. I have never before hit anyone out of anger, but it felt damn good. For clarification, this was after my drunken boss refused to turn down any form of cash, regardless of how disrespectful.

I was working one sunday as the only competent fucking server i bar tended nights in the building and my bartender was at the bar.

We had a full house never happens tons of regulars at the bar and tons of religious people at the tables. We were just chillin, hung over and finally finished working our asses off as the rush was subsiding. My bartender - lets call him Chez, comes to me and says "That shifty guy at the bar keeps asking where the nearest hospital is, can you look it up on your phone?

A couple from one of the hi-tops comes over and tells us that they are leaving and to tab them out. Chez goes to tab them out, and they tell me the guy we were talking to was muttering to himself about a bomb. Motherfucker had a huge backpack on with cellophane sticking out the top. This seems like it could be legit. I tell Chez, and he goes to get the manager.

The manager comes over and is like.. We all agree we better call the fuckin po-pos. We do, tell them whats up, and wait. The guy just stands there muttering to himself as we freak the fuck out. Finally, he gets up to leave. As he walks across the street to the hotel next door, cops finally roll up. They come in and we tell them where he went. In about 15 second flat the hotel is surrounded, and roped off.

News crews showed up about 7 minutes later. Now, with this shit going on and the street closed off, all the people from the hotel come over and chill at the bar. The place was packed thanks bomb guy for all the cash flow, btw. I found out later the cops apprehended the mental patient dude and did find a home made bomb on his person. I tried to find a news story on it, but I couldn't.

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