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Why she threw away years of hard-earned wages and stole from people who trusted her, Pokies Win Radio Live Streaming who loved her. She can never get back the relationship with the man she thought she would marry. And she may never entirely escape the feelings of shame and regret for lying to loved ones and colleagues.

For lying to herself. It doesn't matter now. What matters is that Kaye is winning the battle. There is money in her bank account. She can walk past a pub without going in and emptying her wallet.

She can buy groceries and come home with the change, get her hair done and pay her rent. She can hold down an honest relationship. Suicidal thoughts have lifted with her depression.

What matters now is that Kaye is finally escaping the soul-destroying grip of poker machine addiction. I keep thinking, 'Is this what normal people have? But I know I'm smart and I know I can do it. It's important that I don't think too much about what I lost to gambling because looking back just makes me hate myself. I have to look forward now. I have to build a new life for myself. Kaye may be a common gambling addict, yet she is far from the stereotype.

She is 36, well educated and well groomed. She learnt the value of money and worked around school hours to buy things she wanted. She was sporty, popular and, like her four siblings, finished year An older sister did a PhD, she says admiringly, and paid for it herself. By submitting your email you are agreeing to Fairfax Media's terms and conditions and privacy policy. Like many teenagers, Kaye struggled with an eating disorder, which became worse at 24 when her father died from a mystery lung disease.

Her friends had left to study at university and Kaye became Pokies Money Doesnt Buy Love Quotes. She started going to the pub and putting a few dollars in a poker machine. Down but motivated, Kaye moved to Sydney to work in hospitality.

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She found that her new colleagues were into pokies and one night she decided to join in the fun. It was the night that dictated the next decade of her life. It was a great buzz. Within an alarmingly short time, it changed the way she interpreted playing pokies. The joy of Pokies Big Wind Up Operator Jim flutter was replaced by an irresistible compulsion.

I wanted that feeling again. It just overtook me. The cost was serviceable at first. The consuming nature of gambling addiction is evident in her recollections. She recalls very clearly the details of that initial big win, as well as several highly emotional incidents. But, mostly, her memories are jumbled. She shudders as she recalls the feeling of walking out of gaming rooms empty-handed time and again. It's the same when she explains how she lied repeatedly to her flatmate sister about why she was broke.

She said twice that her wallet had been stolen - she'd thrown it away to avoid being caught out. As the debts grew, she would go to cash-advance shops, show a pay slip and be granted money at exorbitant interest. Everything could be fixed by another big win. It just wasn't the real me. I was physically doing these things but it was the 'gambling me', not the 'real me'.

Kaye's sister was catching on and took her to a Gamblers Anonymous meeting. But it was impossible for Kaye to Pokies Win Radio Live Streaming to the old men there, who had lost literally everything. She was smart and young, working and socialising. She wasn't gambling every day. One night, after a shift in a new job as assistant manager at a cafe, Kaye took a minute taxi ride to Star City casino and put her pay packet through the pokies.

Over the next four hours, Kaye returned to the safe five times and lost the lot. At no point did she consider the implications. She'd been entranced, fixated on hitting the jackpot. By 5am Kaye sat alone in the cafe, crying, feeling sick, wanting to die. Kaye's sister picked her up and took her to her boss's house to explain what had happened.

She cried as she confessed. Perhaps misguidedly, the boss promised not to press charges or sack her as long as the money was repaid. Still with a credit rating, Kaye received a bank loan to pay the debt.

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But one month later, in almost identical circumstances, she did it again. This time Kaye was fired and forced to sign a contract to repay the money. To see my colleagues look at me that way … They hated me.

They didn't see it as a problem I had, they just saw me as a thief. It was the worst feeling you could imagine. Kaye's life was starting to fall apart. She'd started a new relationship and appeared normal to others.

Inside, she was a mess. She kept playing pokies to escape, even though it was the cause of her problems.

There's so much going on, the colours and noises … It takes over your senses. But gambling's grip was tight. At her next job she was paid under the table, leaving with hundreds in her pocket, confronted by gaming rooms on nearly every corner.

But, after again losing a whole pay packet, Kaye decided to come clean. He was a very understanding and good man. But he was working overnight and I'd finish work in the afternoon and go straight to the pokies. I'd grab a white wine, light a cigarette and play. It was my escape time. I'd tell [Mark] I was having drinks with people, but I'd be gambling. It was now a swift descent. Kaye would go to the shop to get bread but end up gambling and come home with nothing.

She would either lie to Mark or confess and they would fight.

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Instead of working on her fraying relationship, Kaye found companionship among fellow addicts. People would get talkative when they won. I remember a psychologist woman who played all the time, a couple who had a successful business and always played together … Some people played two machines at once. They'd put cards into the button so they wouldn't have to keep pressing it.

It just keeps ticking over. One guy would pray to the machine and when he'd win he'd say, 'See! I knew it wasn't true. I knew that the machines are programmed so you lose. But I still kept playing. But the losses were much greater.

Mark covered the debts but it only prolonged the inevitable. I wish it never happened. He's a great man, one of the best people I'd met in my life. I thought I'd marry him. Kaye dragged her next partner into gambling. They never called my work or checked my income. They just sent it to me in three days.

Things were mounting up. Kaye was paying her rent by credit and banks were calling in overdue repayments. She began cutting her wrists and considered suicide.

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He said the argument that pokies supported community groups no longer stacked up because many groups were turning away from that source of funding. If you go to higher socio-economic areas it's much harder to infiltrate because the community has the wherewithal to prevent you coming in.

Ms Piejus did not support the sinking lid policy being introduced in Waitara and she had the support of submissions from several sporting and community groups concerned about funding streams. She told the hearing that there had been a 30 percent decline in pokie machines over the past 13 years but no correlating drop in problem gambling. The council will consider the submissions and make a final decision on its gambling policy at an as yet unspecified date.

If you are concerned about yours or somebody else's gambling habits contact the national helpline here. A big write-down in its Australian business has knocked the profit of casino operator SkyCity Entertainment by more than two thirds. The final person to be sentenced over a pokie machine fraud in the Nelson region has escaped a jail term and will instead serve 12 months' home detention. With poker machines, you push a button.

Well, yes… and no. It is true that, by law, poker machines in Australia have to return somewhere between 85 per cent and 90 per cent, over time, to the player. The reason for this paradox? Meet Gladys, a resident of the Happy Valley retirement home. Besides, you never know… she just might win. Gladys likes to take her time and enjoy the day. Pokies will let you play between 20 and 30 games a minute, depending on which state you live in, but Gladys likes to play slowly.

So 10 games a minute it is. Gladys plays, and plays, and plays. She stops for a bit of lunch, which is put on by the retirement home; this is their day out after all.

A little dazed and a little sad, she climbs back on to the bus and heads back to the home… to wait for next week. That means that over a long period of time, the machine will return 90 per cent of money gambled to players, and keep 10 per cent as profit.

But wait, I hear you cry. Well, no… not according to poker machine mathematics. The rule is that the poker machine has to return 90 per cent of money gambled… not money inserted.

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There are currently licensed machines. Dr Jarman told the hearing supporters of gambling liked to say it was just a bit of fun, like going to see a movie, but said watching a film did not cause people to kill themselves.

Taranaki medical officer of health Jonathan Jarman makes his submission on the number of pokie machines. He said the argument that pokies supported community groups no longer stacked up because many groups were turning away from that source of funding. If you go to higher socio-economic areas it's much harder to infiltrate because the community has the wherewithal to prevent you coming in. Ms Piejus did not support the sinking lid policy being introduced in Waitara and she had the support of submissions from several sporting and community groups concerned about funding streams.

She told the hearing that there had been a 30 percent decline in pokie machines over the past 13 years but no correlating drop in problem gambling. The council will consider the submissions and make a final decision on its gambling policy at an as yet unspecified date.

If you are concerned about yours or somebody else's gambling habits contact the national helpline here. A big write-down in its Australian business has knocked the profit of casino operator SkyCity Entertainment by more than two thirds. The final person to be sentenced over a pokie machine fraud in the Nelson region has escaped a jail term and will instead serve 12 months' home detention. SkyCity profit falls 69 percent 9 Aug That means that over a long period of time, the machine will return 90 per cent of money gambled to players, and keep 10 per cent as profit.

But wait, I hear you cry. Well, no… not according to poker machine mathematics. The rule is that the poker machine has to return 90 per cent of money gambled… not money inserted. Gladys played for five hours. And each time she did, she bet a dollar.

Tom Cummings is a former problem gambler who has turned his attention to gambling reform and the industry in general. First posted May 27, If you have inside knowledge of a topic in the news, contact the ABC. ABC teams share the story behind the story and insights into the making of digital, TV and radio content.

Read about our editorial guiding principles and the enforceable standard our journalists follow. The murky and confusing world of political favours means George Brandis' new London gig isn't as safe as it used to be.

The major parties face a huge dilemma in how to tackle Nick Xenophon's popularity, but his fledgling party has problems of its own. For many Hindu and Sikh women who've experienced domestic violence in the last decade, their suffering has ended only with death. These are their stories. Top Stories These new ministers got the toughest jobs in the Cabinet reshuffle US train was hurtling 80kph over speed limit before fatal crash Victorians left in the dark as severe storms move across state Analysis: After a meteoric rise, Christian Porter is in danger of crashing back to Earth photos Brawl breaks out after 15yo drowns at Glenelg beach SPORT You may soon have to pay to watch cricket at home Queensland man arrested in Bali on drug charges Far-right activist fails to return Toll uniform after court order photos Matt Damon says no-one is talking about men who are not sexual predators English pets stalked by 'Croydon Cat Killer' Ex-NRL player charged over kg cocaine haul after dramatic public arrest Coal consumption drops as gas and renewables chew into traditional markets Manus Island protesters block access to refugee accommodation SPORT WACA groundsman cleaned up by covers spent afternoon in hospital 'Severely intoxicated' SA killer should not face more than 20 years' jail: Connect with ABC News.

Got a news tip? Editorial Policies Read about our editorial guiding principles and the enforceable standard our journalists follow. Brandis still hostage to Turnbull The murky and confusing world of political favours means George Brandis' new London gig isn't as safe as it used to be. Popularity was never Xenophon's problem The major parties face a huge dilemma in how to tackle Nick Xenophon's popularity, but his fledgling party has problems of its own.

The Last Jedi isn't worse than the prequels A spoiler-free look at why some fans are wrong. A decade of domestic violence deaths in Hindu and Sikh communities By Debra Jopson Illustrations by Rocco Fazzari For many Hindu and Sikh women who've experienced domestic violence in the last decade, their suffering has ended only with death.

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